A New Force
by BigBootBitch
Summary: After the end of the Last Jedi Rey and Kylo Ren are learning their new roles in this fight but the force continues to connect them. They are afraid of their connection but they're afraid to be alone. Sequel of the Last Jedi.
1. Chapter 1

"Please."

Rey was frozen in place. All she could think of were those sad, big eyes. They didn't fit the image she had of him in her mind. They were the eyes of a scared boy trapped in a monster of a man. She reached out her hand to his, not fully aware of what she was doing. She gripped his strong hand.

"Thank you," he whispered with a sly smile of his face. A second later the red burning blade of his lightsaber ripped through her chest and she was stunned awake.

She looked around her heart pounding. Where was she? Covered in sweat she sat up and recognized the worn compartments of the Millennium Falcon. Heard the quiet hum of the hyperdrive. That's right, she didn't take his hand, she stood by her friends and abandoned him like everyone else. But what was she to do? He had caused so much damage, killed so many people. He was monster and he'd only proven that when he was willing to let the rest of the resistance die.

Then why did she still feel so guilty. Maybe it was the fight. She had thought about it many times in the past few days. She remembered the fire in his eyes when he ignited his blade and turned to the Praetorian Guard. The were so in sync, so balanced. It felt right, and she hated how much she still craved that belonging she had felt fighting back to back with the most hated man in the galaxy.

She had to get out of this bunk. Rey knew she wasn't going to get anymore sleep that night as she sneaked out of the room, trying hard not to wake anyone. The ship was packed full since the resistance's escape from Crait. The Falcon was no small ship by any means, but it was definitely not able to house 40 people. Which meant privacy was a luxury they could not afford right now. She found these nights when she couldn't sleep her only escape from constant companionship. She was happy to be around so many likeminded people but at the same time she enjoyed her time alone and it was getting to be a bit much.

As she walked by the cock pit she stopped in to see chewy. "Hey Chewie, you still doing all right."

He roared in response.

"Okay, I can't sleep so let me know if you need a break." She said as she walked out. Well since she couldn't sleep she might as well be productive. Rey headed over to where she hid the Jedi texts and sat down to study these ancient books. Maybe they would give her some peace.

Kylo was in the gym again. His training lightsaber whipped around the dummies in the room. He hadn't done much else but train since he was appointed supreme leader. Training and meetings with Hux and other First Order officers was all he did the past few days. He hated it. He wanted to leave this stupid star destroyer he was living on during the repair of Snoke's ship. He felt so useless just hiding out but he knew he couldn't really be seen in public and until the cover story for Snoke's death was accepted by the First Order officer and the public.

It was late and he knew he should be asleep but his dreams or more appropriately, nightmares were haunted by her. And she was the last thing he wanted to think about. How was he wrong? He saw her turn when they touched hands but when the time came she still clung to the dying resistance. Why couldn't she see that it was over. They could have had something new, He could have shown her how to properly use the force. He just became anger as he thought it about how she rejected him and then closed him off to her. Not that he cared.

He could feel the anger building in him. He felt the power of the force building through him and he swung his lightsaber into the dummy. It flew across the room from the pure power of his energy. But he didn't feel satisfied, he wanted to face her. To show her that she would not embarrass him again and he would destroy her. He could feel that dark hole in himself and before he knew he started to her warm almost like it was coming from somewhere deep inside himself.

He turned and there she was. Here hair was pulled back in a messy tie, she was wearing a light tunic and leggings. She was still unaware of his presence as she sat cross legged reading a large very old book. For awhile he just stared at her afraid say anything but too afraid to look away and lose her again. Slowly she lifted her head and he could see the fear in her eyes as she met his.


	2. Chapter 2

Rey was paralyzed. His gaze dug into her, he was anger. He looked wild, his hair soaked with sweat, stuck to his face. He wore a tight, thin black shirt and his usual black pants and boats. His face was pale and under his eyes were dark with sleep. I guess they'd both been pretty restless recently.

"I have nothing to say to you," he blurted out.

"Yeah, well I didn't really do this on purpose," She responded defensively. As she pretended to go back to reading, but she could feel his eyes on her. "Why does this keep happening? Did you do this? Can't you just leave me alone?"

"I don't know. I haven't done it on purpose. I thought it would end with snoke." He looked so confused and so lost.

"You really should get some sleep," she didn't know why she said that.

"Yeah well same goes for you. What are you reading?"

She didn't know if should tell him the truth. Would that be giving away too much information about the resistance. "It's the sacred Jedi texts."

"Where did you get those?" he asked with curiosity and his faced lit up.

"I stole them," she said with a smile. Kylo took her smile as an invitation to look at the book. She wasn't lying this had to be the ancient Jedi texts. The pages were yellowed with age, but the ink still seemed to leap off the page. He would love to get his hands on it and truly study it. He reached his hand out to touch it and feel like it really was right in front of him and not across the galaxy.

As Rey looked up at him it was like she was looking at a whole new person. This wasn't Kylo Ren, this was Ben Solo. Why could he have just saved those transports? Then he could have been this person all the time. And he could have been with her.

"Rey are you okay?" she was snapped out of here trance by the familiar voice of Finn. He was looking at her very confused. When she looked back in front of her she was alone in the room.

"Uh yeah. I'm just very tired, I guess I was zoning out."

"Ok get some rest Rey. No offence, but you look terrible," He flashed that winning smile of his to her as he walked out the room. She decided he should probably take his advice and headed back to her bunk.

Rey awoke the next morning confused and embarrassed about how she acted with Kylo last night. It was like he had some weird hold on her. Every time she was around him it was like they were just two normal people, but they weren't normal. He was her enemy and she had to remember that. She needed to distract herself. She walked out to the main area.

General Organa was there, she was looking at some documents as she was talking to Poe. They both looked just as tired as she felt. Everyone was still in the clothes they left with and everyone was pretty uncomfortable at this point.

"Rey, I'm glad to see you got some rest," Leia said as she noticed Rey walk in.

"Thanks, so General if you don't mind me asking, where are we headed?"

"I've told you before to called me Leia. And we're headed to an old resistance base on the planet Hoth. It was pretty destroyed but the time we had to evacuate but it's safe and will be a good place to hide out for a little."

"Sounds safe. How can I help?" Rey was eager to get her mind off of last night.

"Rey I just need you to get some rest. You've had a crazy few days and we have a lot of work to do when we get to Hoth."

"Okay Gen- I mean Leia, let me know if you need me."

"I will." Rey couldn't say she wasn't a little disappointed by the conversation, but she was determined to keep her mind off Kylo. She wandered around the ship for awhile but ended up back in her bunk tinkering with her broken lightsaber.


	3. Chapter 3

"Supreme Leader what do you think." Kylo was snapped out of his daydream to the First Order generals staring at him waiting for an answer. They had this stupid blank stare, so helpless without a strong hand to guide them.

"Yes, that will do," he responded making sure to add a tingle of force to his words. He wasn't really listening closely enough to know what he just agreed to, but he knew asking them to repeat themselves would only make him appear weak. And it's not like he really cared about these meetings much anyway. He had been in mindless meetings like these for days. Over seeing minor missions in the Outer Rim, Mining operations, ship repairs. It was his worst nightmare, being cooped up like this left him with little distraction from her.

The past few days he thought of almost nothing other then Rey. He was getting frustrated with how often his mind drifted to her. He couldn't help but think about those times the force connected them across the galaxy. He remembered seeing her soaking wet and shaking, she looked so alone and when he told her she wasn't he meant it. And the way she smiled at him a few nights ago it was like he truly saw her. She didn't see her enemy it was as if she didn't know or care about all the terrible things he had done. He had to get out of this conference room and pull himself together.

"Excuse me," Kylo dismissed himself as he felt Hux's eyes tear into him. He was pretty positive Hux was suspicious of him. Of course, he hadn't bought the story that Rey had killed Snoke, the whole guard and knocked him unconscious all on her own. While she was extremely powerful in the force, they still barley managed to hold off the guards with both their power combined. He would need to keep an even closer eye on him, Hux has always been looking for power by any means, and he knew he was in his sights.

Kylo decided to head to his chambers, maybe if he could mediate he could get his mind back in the right place. He needed to show the galaxy that he was worthy of their respect and the quickest way to do that was through fear and power. And to achieve that he had to rid of any distractions.

"Stay at the door," he commanded the group of Stormtroopers that were in as they were finding replacement for the Praetorian Guard. He still wasn't used to these new chambers, not that where he lived really meant anything to him anymore. He was used to moving from ship to ship and base to base. As he moved through his large living quarters he saw food had been left out for him again. Kylo was pretty sure he hadn't been hungry since before Rey meet him on the Supremacy. Ignoring the food, he moved to one of the rooms that he assumed was supposed to be study before he ordered his staff to move out all the furniture. As he sat in the middle of the room he tried to clear his mind.

He reached out to feel for that dark place in the force. He felt the sadness in the stormtroopers outside the door, felt the violence in the hearts of the officers on the bridge. All around him he felt the greed, the lust, the fear, and it filled him with power. A power that coursed through his blood and made his core go cold. And in this heightened state he thought of the one thing that could stop his constant doubt and distraction. He would use this power to eliminate Rey and destroy these feeling inside himself once and for all.


	4. Chapter 4

Everything was so cold. Rey wasn't even aware that she could be this cold, but she was glad to be off the Falcon. These past few days she was finally about to do some work. The base had been pretty destroyed but they were about to set up in a small housing wing that was not completely destroyed. Being the only people she knew, she decided to bunk with Finn, Poe and Rose which had been interesting. Its not that she didn't like them, but she hadn't lived with anyone since she moved into the old AT-AT when she was a child. She was happy to spend some time with Finn and she was getting closer to Poe as the both helped repair the abandoned ships left in the base. She was also happy to say she had not seen Kylo since that night on the Millennium Falcon.

As she walked through the hall to her room from the hangar where she was working earlier she pasted a few more rebels she hadn't seen before. Since coming to Hoth Leia had been in communications to get new recruits to the base. It had been difficult, but she had managed to scrape up a few new fighters. Rey was super excited to see the new recruits. Stars, she was a new recruit just months ago. The resistance had changed her life, it gave a purpose. She loved helping the resistance, but she was ready to leave this ice planet.

All this snow just reminded her of starkiller base. Freezing in the forest running from Kylo Ren, it was one of the worse days of her life. Han's death, Finn injured in the snow, the fight, the freezing cold. At least here she had real clothes. Rey was equipped with the basic resistance winter wear, she had a large navy coat and thick pants. However, she was so cold even inside she felt the need to constantly wear her gloves, hat, and scarf.

Rey was honestly quite excited when she saw that she was the only one in the room. The room, if it can even be called that, was small to say the least. It was basically two sets of cots stacked on top of each another. They were separated from the next "room" by a tarp, but it wasn't too bad. Rey couldn't really complain she had a bed and was will friends. She thought she might as well look over the Texts again not that she'd had much success translating the cryptic language.

She opened her small storage compartment and couldn't help but feel sad at how little she had. All that was in her compartment were the Jedi Texts, the broken lightsaber, a pair of night clothes and the clothes she left the supremacy in. She sighed, grabbed the book she was reading last and her night clothes. She quickly changed into her night clothes to avoid the clothes and immediately pulled her coat, hat, and gloves back on. She sat back in her bed and opened the book for what felt like the hundredth time.

She woke up to the familiar signature of his force. He was cold just like Hoth, but with a hint of warmth, like dusk on a hot Jakku day. She didn't feel threatened though, she actually considered just dozing back to sleep until she felt his weight by her feet.

"Sorry, did I wake you?" his voice was calm. He was wearing a thin undershirt and what appeared to be night pants.

"It's okay, I guess I fell asleep reading. They aren't the most exciting books."

"Have you read many books?"

"Not really. I always enjoyed it, but books were had to come by when I was young." She looked away kind of embarrassed, "Why do you care anyway?"

"I really don't know. I should hate you, but for some reason when I'm with you I just don't feel that way."

Rey noticed his cheeks turning a little red as he looked away from her. It gave him a childish charm and she could help but believe he was being honest. There was an awkward silence as they both were slightly embarrassed by how candid he was being.

"I understand what you mean but being friendly will just complicate this."

For a while Kylo just stared at her, she could feel his pain and hurt through their bond. She wished it didn't have to be like this she still believed he could turn but they were both so stubborn she knew it'd never happen.

"Why couldn't you have just joined me," he seemed to respond to what she had just been feeling.

"You could still join us. I feel the light in you, I know you're scared, I knew it from the beginning. I can feel it, you need to stop fighting it." She pleaded to him. Rey didn't realize how much she wanted him to join them, how could he betray her and the whole resistance.

"It's not that easy, Rey." He looked away his brown eyes were sad, like he might cry. After a long silence he ended the conversation, "You should get some rest."

She wanted to fight him, but he was right she was exhausted and any sleep she could get was worth it. She laid back down and he pulled the blanket over her, the action scared her. She knew she should be repulsed but all she found was comfort. She realized how silly she must look in full snow gear and night clothes right as she drifted off.


	5. Chapter 5

**Authors Note: Hey everyone! I just wanted to say thanks to those following and favoriting this story. This is my first ever fic and I was really nervous about posting it. I will not be updating Sunday but I should have an exciting new chapter Monday! Please let me know what you think so far. Thanks, Cork.**

Kylo lay in bed unable to sleep. He knew it had to be early morning by now but after the force connection with Rey he hadn't been able to sleep. He'd been trying to separate his feelings for her from who she was, his enemy. He tried to think of the times he hated her, times his rage for the resistance fanned his hate for her. But recently even those memories seemed different, he didn't want to think of how she must have seen him at those times.

How could he even be thinking this? Why couldn't he think straight? He felt so lost, so pathetic and so weak. He just wished he could get her of his mind, but he just kept think of how she was last night. That huge coat she worn over her night clothes, she must be somewhere cold. Force, she was wearing gloves and a hat to bed she must have been freezing. He really hated that he couldn't stop thinking about how cute she looked with her hat falling off and her messed up hair spilling out.

He needed to clear his mind, for a while he just stared at the black ceiling over his bed. He wished he could disappear into that darkness, that it was trap him like a black hole. He took a deep breath and willed himself out of bed. He knew it must have been very early as he walked out of his bedroom into the dining room. It must technically still be night, no one had put out the breakfast he would most likely ignore yet.

He decided to look at some forms Hux sent over to his datapad. He hated doing this tedious work, not like anything else he did seem any less tedious but reviewing forms was one of the worse. As he sat on one of his sofas signing order after order he noticed the final part of the current mission for the Knights of Ren. Nothing particularly exciting just an order to shut down a small rebellion at a mining post in the outer rim, but he knew after this meeting he would need to meet with them and he wasn't looking forward to it. He new at least a few of them were very strong with the force and he doubted they believed his cover story. Now a little anxious, Kylo continued mindlessly signing orders, he considering joining the knights to finish their mission but decided the inevitable conversation would be better had outside of a war field.

"Yeah, I'm sorry Poe, I'm just really not feeling well. I think it's all this cold," Rey let the lie spill for her month easily. Its not that she didn't want to work with him but more that she need some time to focus her mind.

Poe held his hand to her forehead, "Yeah it's a little different of a climate than Jakku. Well get some rest, we can't go losing our only Jedi." He flashed her a devious smile and she could help but return it even tough she could figure out how she felt about that word. It felt too strong to describe what she was. Yes, she could use the force, but she wasn't some legendary hero.

She tried to push the thought from her mind as Poe left the room. Rey was glad to be alone, she needed some serious time to process what happened last night. He had seemed so caring and kind, but she knew who he really was. He wasn't a friend, or even an ally, he was a murderer and it made her sick to think of everything he'd done. She wished she felt that way all the time but when they were connected she couldn't help but want to fix him to make him who she knew he could be.

She could even feel it now, that connection, it was like a string lightly tugging on her and she knew it was him. Rey would never admit it, but she liked the feeling that came with it, know she was connected to someone else. She'd never felt that before and seemed to comfort her as much as it frightened her. Oh stars, what was she going to do? Finally, she decided she should at least get dressed and try to do something today.

After washing her face and getting dressed she went to her storage compartment and pulled out Luke's broken saber. She couldn't help but feel it represent the state of her soul. Split right in half, pull in two opposite directions. With it she pulled the Jedi text about lightsabers and went to work trying to repair.

Rey knew plenty about ships and what parts were valuable to sell for rations, but she was pretty sure this was going to be a lot more complicated. To be honest she really didn't know much at all about lightsabers other how to wield one and that they used kyber crystals but that was about it. She looked at the broken saber before she started flipping through the ancient text looking for anything that could help her. After a few minutes of skimming she found a useful diagram labeling the parts that make up a lightsaber. With her small toolkit she slowly disassembled it piece by piece.

Two things become apparent to her, she'd need a new casing and a new crystal. Rey speculated that she could easily make something that would work as a casing, but the new crystal would be a much harder task. After all most kyber crystals had been mined by the empire decades ago and she had no clue where she could find one large enough to power a lightsaber. She knew that tis was going to be no easy task but above all she needed a lightsaber. It seemed she'd have to find her answers in the cryptic ancient books of the Jedi temple.


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's Note: Hey everyone! Thanks for the reviews and follows I hope everyone is enjoying the story so far because I'm definitely enjoying writing it! Thanks for reading, Cork.**

As Kylo entered his chambers, he could honestly say he was proud of himself for not losing his shit on Hux today. As he suspected, Hux was trying to undermine his every move and it was starting to drive him completely insane. He knew what Hux's plan was, he was going to slowly break him down until he finally snapped. Hux was hoping he would cross a line and the other officers would finally grow the balls to rise against Kylo and Hux would be able to easily take his place as Supreme Leader. But Kylo Ren would not let that happen, he was the rightful Supreme Leader and Hux would have to learn his place at Kylo's feet.

He could feel his anger bubbling over pulling him into that dark place inside of himself. He knew he couldn't hold in his anger much longer. Everything was so fucking complicated now, how could he deal with Hux when he couldn't even sort out his feelings for Rey. Speaking of Rey, the officers were getting more and more antsy about her still being on the large and he didn't know how he would find her let alone deliver her to them.

His force was rippling off him and it was so strong it seemed to fill the room like a dense cloud of smoke. He could no longer take the darkness that was building inside of him and finally he ripped the large vases from the dining room and shattered them against the far wall. As he turned seething back to the dining room, he saw her standing there. Her eyes were wide and frightened, but he couldn't be bothered to care. Of course, she would show up at the worse time, try to guilt him into being what he's not.

They sat there in silence until finally, "Do you know anything about kyber crystals?"

"Of course, I do," he snapped back at her still staring at the broken vases on the floor.

"Well my crystal's broken and I don't know where I could get another one or even really much about them. I thought you might…" She trailed off staring at the broken crystal in her hand. He hadn't even noticed she was holding it. She looked so helpless and desperate, she was still wearing the parka and winter gear. It seemed to swallow her small form.

Kylo was still raging as he approached her, he was pretty sure she felt his force by the way she seemed to freeze up. He reached out to grab the crystal from her, but she pulled it closer to her obviously nervous.

"I just want to see it, I don't think I could steal it even if I wanted to." Tentatively she reached out her hand to place the crystal in his. When their hands touched he felt that same spark he had the first timed they touched. Her had was could but even just that light brush of her hand warmed him.

As he held the kyber crystal in his hand light of the force called him. It reminded him of Luke's signature but mixed with something else. Rey was right though it was very damaged, at least three large cracks were splitting through the crystal. His crystal cracked when he was building his, but it still wasn't nearly as damaged as this one was.

"You're right. Its far too damaged to be used in lightsaber," he answered directly. He looked up from the crystal to meet her eyesight. She still looked on edge, like he might attack her at any time. "You can relax Rey, I'm not going to hurt you."

"Can I ask why you were so angry?" She looked honestly concerned, like she truly wanted to know what had made him so upset.

"Oh nothing, just tedious politics," he blew the question off. It's not like he could tell her the officers wanted him to kill her and he was unsure how he could. "Here's the crystal back not that it'll be much use."

As he placed the cracked crystal back in her hands, she gently grabbed his. Kylo looked into her eyes, they were sympathetic but had a fighting strength to them. It felt as if she understood him, but somewhere deep inside of her she was still fighting him. Her hands were callused but retained their softness, you could she had suffered quite frequently when she was young. Rey's hands moved up his lower arms, he was frozen in place, why would she touch him like this?

Eventually he pulled away, well aware of the heat rushing to his face. Kylo cleared his throat, "Um... You may be able to find a crystal on Ilum. It was heavily mined during the empire, but you may be able to find something."

He looked over to where he shattered the vases. A few droids were making a bad attempt to clean up the broken glass. Kylo watched intently wanting anything to keep his mind off of Rey's presence behind him. They stood there in silence for what felt like hours. "If you reach out with the force you should be able to feel if one's near. But it'll still be difficult."

She grabbed his arm turning him to face her. "Maybe you could help me. You should meet me on Ilum in two days we can search for the crystal together."

Before he could even answer, Rey reached up to his face and ran her hand down the scar she had left on her. "Ilum, two days," and just like that she was gone.


	7. Chapter 7

**Author's Note: Well here we are again. I had the day off and I've done a ton of writing and I was just too excited to wait until tomorrow. I will update again tomorrow, I hope everyone's enjoying the story so far, Cork.**

 _Okay Rey just breathe_ , she told herself. How was she going to pull this off? She wasn't even sure why she told him to meet her. But after they touched last night she knew she needed to see him in person. This time she was sure he'd stand by her side, she saw it again. When they touched, she saw the two of them together, fighting, and she felt light in him and in herself. This time she knew she had to be right.

But before any of that she needed a plan. Rey knew she could get a shuttle to Ilum from the rebels, however if she did that Leia may want someone to escort her and she just couldn't risk anyone getting hurt in case he tried to pull something. But then again, she didn't want to steal one from them either. Maybe she could take the Falcon but that would be pretty suspicious as well, not to mention she'd probably have to deal with Chewie as well.

Rey knew it was going to be hard leaving her friends behind, she was sure at least some of them would think she was a traitor, but this was how they'd win she knew it. That was if he even came. Not to mention she was basically coming unarmed, with her lightsaber broken all she had was her staff and the blaster Han had given her. If Kylo wanted her dead he could easily kill her with his lightsaber and she would be almost completely defenseless. She could help but think this may be a suicide mission.

Did she really have a choice though? With the state the resistance was in now it would be long until the First Order found them again and with so little man power it wouldn't be hard for them to end it once and for all. She would go, if she was killed then that'd be it, but she couldn't just wait here for the First Order to track them down. She'd gather supplies and hide them on one of the shuttles she'd been working on the past few days, then when most of the resistance went to sleep she'd sneak on and leave for Ilum. It was her only chance.

Before she could muster the courage to put her plan in motion there was a knock on the door. "Come in."

Her heart nearly dropped when she saw Finn in the doorway. She didn't even want to think about how he'd see her after she left. He was her first friend in the whole world and now she was leaving him behind as she went to meet the man who caused all his pain.

"Hey Rey, I just wanted to make sure you were okay." Oh yeah, she nearly forgot she faked sick this morning even though it was only hours ago it seemed like so much had changed.

"Um yeah, I'm feeling much better thanks."

"Are you sure you're okay Rey. Ever since we go there it just seems like you're really distant and I don't know what's going on, but you can tell me anything." Rey just wanted to tell him everything, but she knew she shouldn't, she couldn't face what was sure to be his disgust at her. "Please Rey, I just want to make sure you're okay."

The sad look in his eyes nearly bought her to tears. How could she lie to him? The first person to ever care about her. He deserved answers. "Finn, it's very complicated and you'll probably hate me if I tell you."

"I'm sure it's not that bad, besides I'll also be your friend," he flashed her a gentle smile and it just tore her heart apart even more.

Rey took a deep breathe, "Everything about Snoke's death is a lie. Kylo Ren killed him, defending me. I came to the Supremacy after being in contact with Kylo Ren, somehow the force connected us. I began to see him on Ahch-To, we could communicate through these connections. Finn, I saw he was conflicted and I went to him because I believed he could turn. After he killed Snoke we fought off the guards and he asked me to join him, that we could rule together. But I couldn't do it, I escaped and came to Crait to help the Resistance."

There was a long pause and as words seemed to hang in the air. Eventually he responded, "Rey I… I don't understand."

"I know. I don't either. I have no idea why we have this connection. But he's not who you think he is, I know he is still unsure."

"Rey you sound like you care for him! This is Kylo Ren were talking about, he's a monster. Have you lost your mind?" Rey could feel the tears burning in her eyes.

"You don't understand. Even now I can feel the light in him, it's small and surrounded by darkness but it's strong and I can help him. I can bring Ben Solo back." She wasn't quite sure who she was trying to convince, Finn or herself.

Finn ran his hands through his hair, "Are you still in contact with him?"

Rey couldn't bring herself to answer. She knew she was putting the resistance in danger, but she couldn't control it. She couldn't control any of it. "It just happens neither of us have control over it."

"Rey, you're putting us all in danger."

"Finn, you have to listen to me. This is our only chance, I know he's done terrible things but he's still there and I can get to him. He will turn." Finn looked around the room anxiously and Rey knew this was getting worse and worse by the minute. "You can't tell any one of this Finn, promise me."

He looked at her for a long moment in thought. "Okay Rey, but if anything else happens I'm telling General Organa that would could be in danger."

"That's fair," Rey knew she didn't have to worry about it much longer. It would probably be better if the resistance left after she did. That way if anything went bad she truly wouldn't know their location.

"I need to get back to work, but let me know if anything changes, please." He was visibly distraught, and it hurt Rey even more.

"I will." And with that he was gone. Now she knew she had to work fast if she wanted to get out of here tonight.


	8. Chapter 8

Rey could hear her heartbeat in her ears, she felt like it may leap out of her chest. She lay in her bunk fully dressed and ready to go as soon as everyone was asleep. She felt like she had been laying in this bed for hours, they had to be asleep by now right? She could hear Poe snoring so at least one of them was asleep. Okay she had to just go, she couldn't lay in this bed all night, she'd miss her chance.

She took one deep breathe before slowing pulling the covers off, last minute she decided to fold it up and added to the bag she found earlier that day. She then quietly pulled he boots on and as she was leaving she looked back at her friends. She knew this would hurt them, but she could only hope that one day they'd understand why she did it.

As she walked down the hallway she couldn't help but be anxious. She just tried her hardest to seem natural, even though she was carrying a huge packed bag. Yeah, that's not suspicious at all, oh Force how was she going to do this? Rey released a breath as she made it to the hangar. She could see the shuttle she had prepared earlier, unfortunately there were a few guards near the ship. Obviously, she couldn't hurt them, but she needed a distraction to get them out of her way.

What could she use? She looked around the hangar, there wasn't much here, a few shuttles, some X-fighters, and in the corner the Millennium Falcon. Around the walls were some boxes with supplies and tools. She could try to use the force to persuade them like she had on that stormtrooper, it felt a little wrong though. But then again it would probably be worse to destroy property, they didn't have many supplies. After all there were only two guards she was pretty sure she could do.

Rey closed her eyes, took a deep breathe and felt out with the force. Every living thing in the base buzzed with electricity, eventually she was able to pin point the two guards in the hangar. She could feel the light in them and the connection between the two them. She could tell they had been close friends most of their lives. She let her calm force fill their minds at the same time, you will leave the hangar and not come back for at least fifteen minutes.

Almost instantly they stiffened and walked out the room together. As she quietly moved to the shuttle she couldn't help but realize the irony of manipulating them. The first time she'd ever use the force to control someone she was desperately escaping from Kylo Ren and now she was using the same ability to flee to the same man she escaped from. She just hoped she was making the right decision.

Now that she was nearing her shuttle, she sprinted the small distance and up the ramp, she threw her bag down as she ran to the cockpit. Her hands were shaking as she started the engines and hoped no one would hear the light hum. The shuttle shook as it lifted off and then she left the hangar behind. As she took off into Hoth's atmosphere she wished that her friends would stay safe and that when she returned, they would understand why she left. She quickly entered in the coordinates of Ilum and started the hyperdrive.

The sun had just rose over Ilum and Rey stared into the horizon, blinded by the reflection of the sun off the snow. She couldn't believe she was stuck on another frozen planet, the snow was beautiful and all, but she just had no toleration for the cold. As she should outside her shuttle she wondered how long she had been waiting here. She hadn't heard anything from Kylo and she was starting to get concerned. But then again, they didn't actual agree on a meeting place, so he could be anywhere on the planet.

Rey reached out through the force for his familiar signature, she didn't feel anything from him, so she was certain he wasn't here yet. When she reached out she could feel a weak sense from deep in the core the planet it was bright and warm but very weak. She could barely feel it, she knew it had to the remains of the scarce crystals that use to be here. But there was a darkness in it as well, almost as if the planet itself was aware of the horrible acts committed against it. She could only imagine how strong that signal must have been before the mining, the whole planet must have felt alive.

She retreated to her shuttle when the cold finally overcome her. Trying to get her mind off waiting she started to unpack her things, she bought her blanket, her clothes from the Supremacy, the Jedi Texts, her night clothes, some food and water, and of course the pieces of her lightsaber. She carefully placed her items in the compartments in the shuttle, even if Ben never showed up, she'd be here for a while trying to find a crystal for her lightsaber. She thought she might as well make herself at home.

After she finished unpacking, she sat in the pilot's seat and just kind of stared into the sunrise. Her heart was beating out of her chest, and her anxiety was quickly rising. She realized she may need to accept the possibility that he may not come, and the thought terrified her. She didn't know if she could do this alone she had no idea where to even start. She guessed she could go back to the resistance, beg Leia to forgive her and explain everything. However, she wasn't even sure if the resistance was still on Hoth and she had idea how to find them.

Then suddenly she felt him, that small light buried in so much darkness. She had to keep herself from leaping out of her chair when she realized she may be in danger. She reached out and felt only his signature and let out a deep breathe. He'd came, and he had come alone. She grabbed her staff and blaster and exited her shuttle to see the ominous outline of his shuttle descend on the planet's surface.


	9. Chapter 9

Kylo fiddled with his leather gloves as he stood before the exit door of his shuttle. Honestly, he was pretty surprised he even showed up. After Rey asked him to meet her, he spent all day trying to decide if he should he should or not. He knew this could be a trap, but he seriously doubted it since Rey didn't even have a working lightsaber, so he was pretty sure he could overpower her if he needed to. He's mind was running wild as the ramp opened.

The snow covering the ground was pristine, and about 100 feet from where he landed was Rey. Her staff was in her hands he could tell she wasn't trying too look to defensive but didn't want to be caught off guard either. The only thing on the snowy plain was a small resistance shuttle near the opening to what use to be the Crystal Caves. He didn't feel any other signatures but Rey's, so he was pretty sure she was alone. He tried to compose himself as he walked off the ramp into the snow, the wind blew across the plain with an icy vengeance.

"I didn't think you were going to show up," She stated as she relaxed a little.

"Yeah well I was on the fence about it." He hadn't the slightest idea what to say. He had done some not so great things just to come here. And he knew it wouldn't be long until the First Order realized what had happened. "But it just seemed right."

She smiled at him, a sweet smile filled with understanding. It seemed that she had had similar feelings, "So, what now?"

"I guess we find you a crystal. But before we do that we need some shelter."

After a few minutes of arguing Kylo finally agreed that they would hide his ship in one of the barren caves since the black exterior was easy to see on the white plains and us the natural habitat to camouflage Rey's white shuttle and use that as a main base. It took them a few hours to find a place with access to the caves while also staying out of sight.

Once they found the right place and he got his stuff from his ship they settled in the small shuttle. Neither had really said much of anything the past few hours and it was starting to unnerve him. He wasn't quite sure he wanted to talk though, he sensed they both had gone through quite a bit to get here and he knew if he talked about it he'd have to talk about his reasoning for coming.

To be honest, he really didn't have the answer to that question, he wasn't even planning to go. He tried to ignore her invitation but when the time came he seemed to be pulled to her. The feeling was so strong he knew it couldn't be ignored, so he dropped everything gathered a few belongings and stole his own shuttle. He started to feel stupid for even coming here, what did he think he'd find? He doubted that there was even one crystal on this whole planet. He nervously fidgeted with the seam of his gloves as his thoughts spiraled.

"Um so, do you want to start searching tomorrow? I don't really have any idea how to do this."

"Why did you ask me here Rey?" He couldn't avoid it anymore he needed to know.

"I... I needed help with my lightsaber." He could tell even she didn't believe herself.

"Rey. Why am I here?"

"I don't know. I just feel like I need you here. I felt like I was being torn apart, and I didn't know what else to do, Ben." She looked away embarrassed, "Do you not feel it? The connection between us? I felt like there is a reason I feel that way and I need to know why."

He was quiet for a long time just considering what she said. He knew what she was talking about it was as if they were connected by a wire and no matter what they did they couldn't escape each other. "Yes, I do feel it." He finally answered.

"Why did you come?"

He had been dreading the question. "I think for the same reasons as you, it just felt like I needed to come."

She gave him that smile again, and he hated that it made him melt a little inside. "Well then maybe tomorrow you teach me some more about the Force."

"Yeah, maybe I can."

After a few more minutes of awkward silence, they eventually decided to eat and sleep. Then in the morning they would start searching for her crystal.


	10. Chapter 10

**Authors note: Hey everyone! Yaay Chapter 10! I love seeing all your reviews and I'm having so much writing! I'll update again tomorrow! -Cork**

Rey started the morning will a new sense of purpose and yet somehow even more uncertain. She couldn't wait to start her search for her crystal, but she was still unsure of her decision. Last night was really weird she didn't think either of them sleep more than two or three hours on their small beds built into the opposite sides of the cargo area. And when Rey woke this morning Ben was sitting in the cockpit tinkering with the control panel. Everything about the situation was weird and all she wanted was some distraction.

She quickly got dressed, pulled on her boots and coat, and walked to the cockpit, "So when do you want to start searching?"

"Um we'll let me show you how to locate the force or we'll be searching the planet for months." Rey swore she saw him smirk a little. He was still just wearing the pants he slept in, and Rey could help but feel a little uncomfortable with him half naked. It made her think of their force connection and she felt the blood rush to her face as he led her back to the cargo area, "Okay so first thing I want you to do is reach for the force inside yourself."

"How will that help find a crystal buried in this dead planet?" she was already getting impatient with this process. She had been surprised how quickly she became dependent on her lightsaber, she felt empty without it.

"Rey, to find your crystal you need to know your own signature. You have a lot of raw power, but you need to learn to understand the force in you as well as the force around you."

She sighed, "Fine." She closed her eyes and focused on the Force around her, like before she felt his force, that little light drowning deep inside him. She also felt that weak energy of the planet itself, but this time she tried to feel the force inside herself as well. She wasn't sure what actually she felt, she felt light but there was darkness in herself as well. Just like the universe both light and dark were in her.

"Okay great now I want you to see if you feel anything similar here."

This time she focused on that weak signal in the planet. Just like her it had so much light in it but there was darkness there as well. She couldn't help but think the source of it wanted revenge for its destroyed planet. "I think I feel it. There's something deep in the planet and its signature is very similar."

"Perfect, now focus on it, remember it. It will lead you to it's location."

Rey sat there for a long time becoming completely familiar with what she was sure was her crystal. And he was right, she was beginning to sense its location. It wasn't clear, but she could feel its surrounding almost as if she was there. she smiled wide, it felt like it was a missing part of her and she knew she could find it if she tried. When she opened her eyes, she saw something she's never seen before, a smile on Ben Solo's face.

It lite up his face in a way she didn't know was possible and she couldn't help but think he looked so much like his father. "I think I can find it."

"All right, then let's find it." With that he quickly dressed back into his thick tunic, pants, and boots, it was the same ensemble he had always dressed in except now he added a thick cloak bundled over his shoulder. It was not unlike the one he wore the first time she met him. she tried to shake that idea from her head as they walked out the shuttle.

Rey let the crystal led her just as Ben told her to. She couldn't lie it was hard and she wasn't even sure she was going the right way not to mention the caves were a maze all on their own. And whole parts of them were just gone for the extreme mining that was done during the empire. There were at least a few times that had to back step just to find away around the craters.

After a few hours of silence, something was starting to bother Rey as they sat and ate a small meal. "So, when you left did the First Order know?"

"What do you mean?" He knew exactly what she meant.

"I just mean are they after you? Are we in danger?"

"Well probably, I kind of just left in the middle of the day, but I'd definitely say I didn't leave on good terms with them." He said quietly as he picked at his lunch. Rey thought about that for a while. She wasn't sure if she could trust him yet and she felt like she needed to be on guard around him, but what would he get out of waiting to kill her?

"I'm not going to hurt you. You can relax."

"Oh yeah, that's super easy when you're reading my mind." She shot him a dirty look. What else had he heard her think? She was immediately embarrassed.

"Sorry, you're basically screaming. But I can promise you if the First Order is coming here its for me not you. I'm sure at least Hux has caught on by now."

He seemed to be telling the truth, not that it made it any less concerning. "What happened?"

"I basically left with what possession I could and took my shuttle by any means necessary."

She knew what that meant. He left a trail of damage, and surely some bodies in his wake and she was sure they would want revenge for what would be seen as his betrayal.

"Well the Resistance probably isn't my biggest fan anymore either." She was certain by now Finn had told at least Leia and Poe of her connection with their enemy and she was sure they would not be very accepting of her choices and she didn't blame them either.

He stood up from where he'd been sitting and looked down to her, "I guess its just the two of use then." He reached out his hand, she grabbed it and let him pull her to her feet as they set out to finally find this crystal.


	11. Chapter 11

After their lunch they moved quickly as they went deeper and deeper in to the planet. Rey felt like she was hopelessly lost, the only thing that was keeping her going was the building strength of her crystal. She knew they had to be getting close, the force of it felt so strong like it was surrounding her, but she just couldn't quite pinpoint what direction it was coming from. Infuriated with her lack of progress, she stopped, and Ben nearly ran right into her as she turned to face him.

"This isn't working I can't figure out where its coming from it feels like it's all around me."

"Okay just calm down and try to refocus on it."

She laughed her anger quickly building. "Seriously, you're telling me to calm down. The man with the legendarily short temper!" She could feel his rage bubble through the force with he words and deep inside she liked that feeling.

"Then use it. Use that anger. Let its power show you what you need. Give into it." He snapped back. It only made her angrier, but she listened to him, she took her anger and balled it up inside her, then she released the power of it and focused on that dark part of her crystal she had felt even when she first arrived here. Then it seemed to manifest like a trail of smoke leading her back to the missing part of herself. It seemed so clear to her now, how had she not seen it?

She followed this path for another half an hour until the force of it was overtaking her. The signal was so strong, it's force seemed to envelope her with its power. Then as she turned the corner she saw it. It was sticking from the wall of the cave, it almost blended with the rest of the bedrock that surrounded it. But she knew it was her crystal, she reached out her hand to it, and when she touched it, it was warm. She heard a small humming and as she pulled it from the wall the color changed from white to a light violet. "This is it."

When she turned to Ben his expression was one of extreme interest and Rey wondered if he'd ever done this before. "What does feel like? Can you hear it?"

"It's warm and it seems to hum when I hold it. It was the same thing that led me here."

"Amazing." She enjoyed seeing him like this, it made her think of what he must have been like as a boy eager to learn. "We should probably hurry back, it's getting late."

As the headed back to the shuttle Rey wondered how much she must have snaked around these caves, because it took only about half the time to return to the shuttle. They hadn't talked much the way back, mostly because Rey couldn't think of anything except the crystal she was holding in here hand. The force she felt from it was so strong and it just felt so right to have it with her. she'd never felt such a strong sense of belonging and now the only think she could think about was making her lightsaber.

As they entered the shuttle, she realized she had been so distract she'd even forgotten how cold she was. It was the first time in weeks she hadn't felt cold and she just realized she couldn't feel her toes. They sat on their beds, both exhausted from the long day of hiking. "So how did you get your crystal?"

He looked up at her surprised by the question. "Um, Snoke gave me mine after I left the temple. Why do you ask?"

"Well, honestly, you just seemed really interested when I found it."

"Yes, I've read about the Gatherings that the Jedi younglings use to do here, but since I never found my crystal I didn't really know if it would work."

She smiled, "You didn't know if it'd work? What if I had led us to nowhere or if we got lost?"

"Well once you felt it I knew the legends were true." He had that boyish look again. Rey couldn't help but stare, it softened his figures. He cleared his throat, "Um… Do you want to start building tonight or start tomorrow?"

"I don't think I can wait until tomorrow." Her excitement was bubbling over and she knew she wouldn't be able to sleep with out working on it.

And with that the began the complicated process of building Rey lightsaber. She got her parts for her bag and Ben grabbed the tool kit he brought with him. They sat for a long time with on of the Jedi texts open as Rey tried to figure out the best way to circuit everything. She was terrified of messing it up and damaging her crystal, especially after Ben told her he cracked his building it and that was the true reason for the cross guards.

If it was up to her she would have tried to make a duel lightsaber, but she knew there was no way she'd find another crystal not to mention when she found hers she felt it wouldn't quite work. She knew this crystal was hers and there would never be another crystal she would feel this connection to. The only reason she wanted a duel lightsaber was so her staff skills would transfer, while she was improving with her lightsaber it was nothing compared to her skill with her staff.

The work was tedious, and Rey was getting frustrated by how difficult she was finding it. Working on a lightsaber was completely different then the normal machines she worked on, but whenever she got stuck Ben would give her some advice to put her back on track. She honestly had no idea how she would have done this on her own. The Jedi texts were helpful, but it would have taken her weeks just to figure out how to put all the information together.

And then, after hours of work, they were finished. Her lightsaber sat on the floor in front of them, the outside was silver just like Luke's since she had to use most of his casing but still it was distinctly hers. Finally, she reached out to hold it in her hands, it felt so light. Almost as if it was an extension of herself and she could still hear that small hum from her crystal, as she ignited it the light purple glow of the blade illuminated a smile on Ben she hadn't noticed before.


	12. Chapter 12

**Author's Note: Hey everyone sorry I'm updating so late today but I'll make up for by posting tomorrow. I just wanted to say that I really enjoyed writing this chapter and I want to dedicate it to my awesome fiancé Bret, you're my whole universe and thank you for letting me brainstorm with you, I love you. Anyway enjoy, Cork.**

Kylo awoke suddenly to Rey screaming, they've found us, this was it. For a second, he was frozen by the terrified sound escaping her. And then, in one swift movement he jumped from bed, pulled his lightsaber to himself, and ignited it, ready to fight. They would not go down so easy, but instead the red glow of his lightsaber just filled the empty shuttle with an ominous glow. In that light, Rey lay in her bed, her skin was pale and sweat matted her hair to her face. They stared at each other for a long moment, tears streaming down her face as she looked at him frightened.

He quickly turned off his lightsaber, realizing what had happened, he had them too, the nightmares. The ones that seemed so real the screams actually were. He'd awoken may nights screaming, and he couldn't help but wonder what haunted her dreams. He walked to her bed and sat on the floor next to it, he knew how lonely it felt in those moments. He couldn't help but feel for her, he didn't know everything about her, but he knew she spent most of her life alone, just as he had.

He sat there with his back against her bed for a long time, he was drifting asleep when suddenly, "Sorry I woke you."

"No, I understand it. I have nightmares too." The words fell out of his mouth sleepily and he surprised by his own honesty with her.

"It sucks doesn't it."

He chuckled at the understatement. "Yeah it really does, what were you dreaming of?"

Rey was quiet for a long time. "Um… you actually." The words hung over him as if they had their own weight, of all the things to haunt her of course it was him. "This time we were in the forest on Takodana. You had found me, and I was running in the forest but every time you'd appear in front of me and I'd have to run another way until you finally got me."

This time, she had nightmares of him before, it was all he could think of. No wonder she was crying, she had woken to the monster of her dreams standing over her with his weapon drawn. He had no idea what to say, after a few more minutes, "Do you want me to move?"

"No please stay." He wasn't sure why she wanted him to stay but deep down he was glad she did. He sat there in her presence for a long time. "What are your nightmares about?"

He didn't want to tell her, he was honestly a little embarrassed of them. They were very personal, and he'd never told anyone much about himself in general. He thought about it for a long time, he was afraid of seeming weak, he was afraid of someone seeing him for what he was, a coward.

"You don't have to tell me." He must have been quiet for a long time.

Finally, he decided she deserved an answer. "Mostly, I dream of Snoke, the things he did to me when I was young." He took a deep breathe. "But more recently, I see my father. I see his face every night and it haunts me."

They sat there in silence for a long time. Why had he told her that? He knew it was the truth, but she didn't need to know that. He felt himself sinking into that dark place where he could forget all the horrible thing he'd done, when suddenly he felt her hand brush gently through his hair. The gesture pulled him from the pit he was quickly falling in. "Rey, I… I… I'm sorry."

She continued to lightly brush his hair with her small hands and he hated that he wanted to cry. He didn't deserve this kindness and especially not from her, she was right he was a monster. And yet he wanted to feel her touch. He'd done horrible things and he knew he hadn't even cared when he'd done them.

"Ben, you're not that person anymore. I can feel you changing and you're not alone."

He remembered when he spoke those words to her from across the stars, when they touched hands, and in that moment, something shifted inside himself. He knew they would always be connected in some way, the force had bond them and there was nothing either of them could do to change it. He finally spoke the words she had that night, "Neither are you."


	13. Chapter 13

Rey awoke the next morning unsure of what had happened last night. He had comforted her even after the nightmare she had had been about him. She tried to separate that image of him from what he was now. Of course, she could still feel so much darkness in him, but he was trying, and that was what she truly cared about. Laying in bed, she wished she could just stay here and not face the day ahead of her.

Eventually she sat up in bed exhausted and noticed Ben was still on the floor next to her bed. He was laying on there with his knees pulled up to his chest, he was only wearing his sleep pants and she knew he had to be freezing laying on the metal floor. She stepped over him careful not to wake him and laid her blanket on him.

She quickly dressed, grabbed her lightsaber, and made her way to the cave opening. She needed some air and she needed to think about everything that had happened. When she saw him on the floor this morning it had made her a little guilty. He didn't need to stay there all night, she doubted he could've slept much laying on the cold ground like that. He had been so kind and caring last night, but the image of him in her nightmare was still there too. She felt like everything in her mind was so clouded into this big confusing mess she couldn't quite work through.

As she ignited her lightsaber to practice, all she could think of was waking to see him standing over her. His eyes were wild, and she truly thought her nightmare had come true, she believed he had turned on her. The whole room was flooded with that horrible red glow and he looked like a coiled snake ready to strike. She was so deep in her thought she almost didn't notice the distinct whine of a ship entering orbit.

Then before she could think she was sprinting back the shuttle, the snow was deep, and it made it difficult to run. Oh force, she wished she'd told him where she was going, what if she didn't make it back in time? As she exited the cave she saw two ships whip overhead, just their silhouettes made her blood run cold as she knew they were First Order.

The snow was up to her knees as she ran to the shuttle, she was terrified as she shoved into the ship. "Ben! Ben! There here!"

The words exploded from her before she even thought them. Where was he? The area next to her bed was empty and she was beginning to panic. Until finally, "Rey! I'm in the cockpit."

She released a breath as she ran to the cockpit. He was sitting in the pilot's seat still only half dressed, he was wearing his sleep pants and a thin white undershirt. He was messing with the controls and she could see the two ships landing in the distance. One was obviously, a stormtrooper dropship, but the other was something she'd never seen before. It looked like an imperial shuttle, but it was black and there was a logo on it she'd never seen before.

Ben looked up to the now landed ships and a new sense of panic seemed to rise in him, she could feel it raw through the bond and it frightened her even more. He knew this ship and it frightened him. "Ben what is it? Do you know that ship?" her voice shook with fear.

"It's one of my knights, Viveca. We need to leave here as soon as possible. She powerful and I'm sure she wants me destroyed." The thought of another force user sent a chill down Rey's spine. She remembered the vision she had on Takodana of the Knights of Ren and she definitely did not want to face one.

I've found you, Kylo. Come face me as a man, I'll reward you an honorable death. The voiced echoed in Rey's head, it was soft and flowed like honey, but was filled with hate. She looked to him frozen in fear.

"Rey listen to me carefully. I'm going to face her but be ready to take off as soon as I tell you."

"Don't go," she pleaded. She had a bad feeling about this whole situation.

He stood from the pilot's seat. "Trust me. I'll tell you when to take off," He pulled her into an embrace and terrified she held him close to her hoping this wasn't goodbye.

She watched from the cockpit as he walked out into snow, he ignited his lightsaber and the blood red reflected off the white snow. Slowly, the shuttles door opened, and a single woman exited into the snow. Rey was surprised by how normal she looked, the woman was probably a few years older then her and had long blonde hair tied in two braids that ran down her back to her waist. She was wearing all black except for a purple tunic. Her looked matched her voice perfectly, graceful yet deadly.

Rey could feel the force of her, it was pitch black and cold as ice, it sent a shiver down her spine. Ben's force was almost just as dark and with their combined forces the darkness seemed to hang in the air. She could see them talking and wished she could hear what they were saying. Viveca appeared to be perfectly calm yet she could feel her anger from here. Suddenly she ignited her lightsaber and charged at Ben, he easily blocked her attack.

Red sparks seemed to fly through the air as they sparred. They were only about 100 feet from the shuttle now, when she swung her lightsaber across to his left and he was able to block it just in time. He staggered backwards and suddenly he was on the defensive. He was backing closer to the shuttle and Rey feared she may need to help him. She sat on the edge of her chair with her lightsaber in her hand, she didn't want to miss when he needed her to take off, but she was afraid Viveca would get the best of him.

As he back peddled the deep snow made him lose his footing and almost fall into the snow. Viveca saw her opportunity and sliced horizontally, Rey saw in slow motion as her red lightsaber ripped across his left thigh and he fell into the snow. She ran to the shuttle door, fear, and anger over taking her. As the door slid open she took all her pain and directed it at Viveca, she fell was pushed back by the wave of dark force radiating off Rey.

Quickly, she helped Ben to his feet. He could barely walk almost all his weight was on her, she struggled to support him as he was a good head taller then her. As she made her way to the shuttle the squadron of stormtroopers began firing on them, but Rey hardly noticed all she was focused on was getting Ben to the shuttle. A bolt flew just a few feet from her head as they entered the ramp of the shuttle. When she closed the door, she caught a glimpse of Viveca in the snow amidst the stormtroopers and the image seemed to freeze her.

"Rey, take off!" Ben yelled. She carefully sat him on the ground and ran to the cockpit, they were still firing as she took off and left the destroyed planet behind.


	14. Chapter 14

**Author's note: Hey everyone! I hope your all enjoying the story so far, let me know what you think I love reading your reviews! -Cork**

Ben let out a little groan as Rey helped him onto one of the beds. His leg was killing him, it burned all the way down to his foot. Rey ran from the room to grab the first aid kit, as he waited he couldn't help but feel panicked as he thought about Viveca hunting them. She was strong, and she truly hated him, he knew he'd need to kill at the next available time. For a long time, she served him well and was his most trusted ally, but that changed.

Suddenly Rey came back in the room, her face white as a sheet as she kneeled by the bed. She started to pull out some bandages and burn cream. Ben began to undo his pants, so she could get to the wound.

"What are you doing?" She nearly yelled, her eyes were wide, and she looked honestly confused. He thought it was a little cute.

"You can treat the wound if its covered with clothe." He suppressed a laughed. She motioned for him to continue as she looked down and tried to busy herself with the first aid kit. He carefully slipped them over the wound with a wince, the movement shot another wave of red hot pain down his leg. The pain was so bad he stared up at the ceiling with his arm over his face, "Is it bad."

She glared at his leg, brow furrowed with worry. "Honestly, I'm not sure. I've only treated minor wounds on myself."

He did not feel very confident having her treat him, but he didn't really have any other choice. He looked down at the wound on his leg and it did not look good but at least it seemed to have flash cauterized so he wasn't losing blood. However, the burning was very bad and his whole up leg was bright red. "It doesn't look too bad. I just wish we had a medical drone to be safe, you don't really seem to have any clue what your doing." He said with a smirk.

She gave him a shocked look, "Well I'm glad you're having fun."

He could tell she was extremely uncomfortable and her cheeks had a nice rosy flush obviously embarrassed. She grabbed the burn cream for the pile of supplies she's been busying herself with, she rubbed some on his thigh and he gritted his teeth in preparation for the pain. As the cream hit the wound he inhaled sharply as his skin seemed to burn. "Oh yeah, I'm having so much fun."

She smiled back at him, "Ben Solo are you telling jokes?"

Hearing his given name usually burned him like a lightsaber, but for some reason when she said it didn't seem to bother him so much. She had that affect on him, she seemed to warm him around the edges and everything just felt more manageable. She finished bandaging his leg and the dressing seemed to cover his whole thigh, the wound was rather large, and went diagonally down his thigh.

"There. All done." She proudly stared at the bandaging on his leg, it wasn't very good. "So now what?"

Yeah, he hadn't really thought of that. With the First Order, Viveca, and possibly the Resistance after them they needed a place to stay hidden. The Outer Rim was probably their best bet, but even then, it would be hard to stay out of sight. "I think I know a place in the Outer Rim, Rishi. It's a pirate outpost, a lot of criminals and its relatively peaceful."

"We'll need to stay hidden, were pretty recognizable."

She was right. It'd be rather hard to blend in and not cause any undo attention. He knew at least Rey was publicly wanted by the First Order and he was pretty certain they were officially after him too. "Yeah. It's going to be difficult."

"I just wish we could go to the Resistance." He tightened his jaw as he felt the rage build in him.

"That's pointless. They're doomed anyway, you need to let the past die, Rey." He said through gritted teeth. Why can't she just move on? They can do this together, they don't need those pitiful rebels.

"They're my friends! And your family incase you've forgotten!" She threw the supplies in the first aid case. "Maybe if you stopped acting like a child you'd be able to see that," and with that she stormed out.

He let her go, not caring if he upset her, he didn't get why she kept clinging to the light. He had seen her power just hours ago when she let the darkness in. She had sent even Viveca flying with that wave of dark energy, he thought she'd understand after what she was able to accomplish when she embraced that dark place inside her.

He rolled his eyes, and he was the child. She still believed in legends and myths, there was no perfect world, because there are no perfect people. She needed to accept that the only thing that was a constant in this world was darkness and despair. She'd done amazing today, she let her fear and anger fuel her instead of over take her. But Rey was still so untrained, she barely even had an understanding of the force.

The best and worse part was that she felt that fear for him. She saw him fall and ran to help, so distraught she wasn't even aware of herself. When she came running down that ramp hair half up and blowing in the wind, but her eyes seemed to be on fire, ready to fight for him with out a second thought. But he knew he didn't deserve it, he was a monster and she had abandoned everything for him. How could he be so selfish? Of course, she wanted to return, to see people who cared for her and he took that away from her.

"I need the coordinates," she said interrupting his thoughts. He could tell she was very angry with him, he gave her the coordinates and she quickly left again. Maybe he had been too harsh, but then again, he knew he was right. Kylo just laid back on the bed and tried to forget the pain building in his leg.

"Ben, Ben." He heard as she shook him awake, he didn't even know he'd fallen asleep. "I need to check your leg."

"Okay." He was still half asleep and just noticed the burning pain in his leg.

She pulled back the dressing and reapplied the burn cream, it burned just as bad as the first time. She looked over his leg for a long time and touched the scar on the outside of his leg. "This is from me isn't it?"

Ben looked down at his leg, she had caused it, when they fought on Starkiller Base. "Yes." He sleepily answered.

"Well we should be there in a few hours. And I'm sorry about that by the way." She looked down as she redid the bandages.

He kind of wanted to apologize but couldn't get himself to. "I never thanked you for helping me earlier."

"It's nothing really, I couldn't let her kill you."

"Yeah, but you were so strong, and the force radiating from you was incredible." He needed to tell her how impressed he was. "Rey, it really took serious power to knock her down like that."

She sat against his bed just as he had last night for her, it felt like weeks had past since then. "I honestly thought you were going to die and I panicked."

"But you felt it right, that power that comes with those feelings of fear and anxiety."

"Yeah, I felt it." She pulled her knees to her chest. "I just wanted you safe and nothing else really mattered in that moment which was kind of scary honestly."

"I can show you how to control that, I can teach you so much about the darkness." Ben touched her shoulder. "I want to help you."

She stood up and looked at him in the small bed. She lightly brushed her hand through his hair. "Get some rest, I'll wake you when we get there." He wanted to fight her further, but he was so tired and just drifted back to sleep.


	15. Chapter 15

Rey waited in the cockpit wishing the time would pass quicker, she just wanted to be on Rishi. Ben had told her that the planet was not a cold climate and she couldn't wait to feel the sun on her skin, she couldn't believe she missed the heat of Jakku but she did. still her true goal was to get back to the Resistance hopefully with Ben. The Frist Order was just becoming more and more powerful and she was beginning to feel rather useless.

That being said, they needed to get Ben back in good health, she wouldn't trust rebel fighters around him if he was weakened in anyway. But she just missed her friends so much, she can't imagine how much she must have hurt them. She just hoped they'd understand one day that this was something she had to do. This had to be the way they would destroy the First Order.

So deep in thought, she almost didn't notice Ben limp into the cockpit. "Where are we?"

He was standing behind her chair obviously favoring his right leg, he looked pale and weak. She thought about how she could have never imagined him this weak when she first met him. "About an hour from Rishi."

"Okay good." He said as he sat in the copilot seat.

"Are you feeling alright?"

"Yeah, just some pain." She hated to admit she kind of liked him like this, it made him seem more human.

"So how did you know about this place?" she asked.

He looked at his hands for a long time, "I think I heard of it when I was young."

"Oh." She understood, his father. Han lived most of his life as a criminal and smuggler so of course he'd know of such a hide out. They sat there in silence for a while, "So… um what's the deal with Viveca?"

He stiffened obviously uncomfortable. "She left with me after the temple and joined the Knights of Ren." She could tell he wasn't telling her everything. "We were close when we were young."

Now Rey was the uncomfortable one, she could feel that they were probably more then friends at one point. "It that why she's after you?"

"Yeah, she said that by running off with you I had personally betrayed her and that she's always known she was the stronger one." Rey could feel that Viveca's words had an effect on him. It was the first time she considered he had people he betrayed for her as well.

"I'm sorry." It was all she could think to say.

He gave her a sad smile that didn't fully reach his eyes. "It's okay, I knew the consequences when I left."

"She's not going to give up, is she?" Rey could feel she would fight until one of them was dead.

"No, she isn't. we'll have to be very careful."

"Speaking of being careful, how are we going to go unnoticed?" Ben was pretty recognizable, tall, intimating, and a huge scar down his face. "You are pretty noticeable."

He smiled, "Yeah I've been thinking about that myself. Not to mention most of my clothes are destroyed or unusable." His night pants were definitely destroyed, and his normal pants weren't in great shape either. Not to mention his tunic which he obviously couldn't wear without being identified. "I can wear my normal pants and this shirt until we find something else."

She guessed that would work but still the whole situation gave her anxiety. "You said it was warm, so I should probably change."

"Yeah, were going to a beach town, Raiders' Cove." That surely didn't boost her confidence in this plan. "Being with criminals is our best choice, the less they care the better."

She guessed he could sense her uncertainty. "I'll go change." With that she exited the room and found the clothes she wore on Ahch- To. She quickly pulled them on and redid her hair in the half up do she'd been wearing recently. She felt uneasy in the clothes, so much had changed since the first time she wore them on her way to find Master Skywalker.

She just hoped she wasn't too recognizable as she walked back to the cockpit and sat in the pilot seat. He had taken the chance to change as well and what now wearing his usually pants and boots instead of just his undershorts, he also wore the white undershirt. "We're about there."

Almost on queue the exited hyper space and Rishi was in front of them. As they entered the atmosphere Rey was overwhelmed by the beautiful greens and blues that bleed across the surface of the planet. She'd never get over how gorgeous and diverse it was compared to Jakku and she immediately wished to be amongst all the beauty.

When she looked back to the controls she noticed Ben had been staring at her and she blushed. They landed in a forest outside of Raiders' Cove in hope of staying hidden and Rey practically ran to ramp ready to feel the sun on her skin. As she exited the shuttle she felt a wave of warmth and something new, a mugginess in the air and she could smell the salt from the beach. It reminded her of her time with Luke, but unlike Ahch-To, Rishi was warm and sunny.

The forest felt so alive and hummed with energy, large leaves caused huge shadows on the ground. She closed her eyes and reached out with the Force and was amazed by the web of life she felt all around her, it left her breathless.

"It's incredible, isn't it?" She looked back to their shuttle and saw Ben standing at the top of the ramp using a crutch they found with the medical supplies.

"It really is." She said as she looked around the forest. I was late afternoon and the sun could barley be seen over the tall trees, Rey wanted to explore the beautiful forest to just let the Force of it take her away.

"We should go into town tomorrow to get more supplies and then we should start your training."

She looked at him confused, "I don't need you to train me, I've done just fine on my own."

He laughed. "Rey, you're very strong but your powers on untrained and you need quite a bit of work with your lightsaber."

She felt offended, she knew what she was doing. "It seems to me that I've saved your life twice recently, so I think I can handle myself."

He walked down the ramp to Rey and she turned away from him. She considered taking out her lightsaber and showing him how great she was with it. "Come on. You know you need help learning the ways of the force, there's no one else to teach you and I can help you."

Damn it, she knew he was right. "Fine you can teach me about the force, but only because I have literally no other option."

He gave her a charming smirk. "Then we'll began tomorrow."


	16. Chapter 16

**Author's Note: Hey guys I had a lot of fun writing this chapter! Let me know what you think! -Cork**

Rey's blanket was on the floor next to his bed the next morning, Kylo had fallen asleep before she went to bed, so he hadn't notice she'd slept next to him. He honestly was glad she had but he wasn't really sure why. It was nice that she cared about him but at the same time it made him very uncomfortable he wasn't really used to being close to people.

He sat up and pulled on his white shirt and boots, grabbed his crutch, and painfully pulled himself to his feet. The crutch was obviously not made for some one as tall as him since it only reached about three inches under his arm making it rather difficult to use. He guessed it was better than trying to walk without it, but he was already ready for the wound to heal. He hated being limited.

Kylo tried not to think of the pain as he searched the shuttle, but a panic had starting to set in as he checked each empty room for her. What if someone found her? What if she had just simply left him? he moved as quickly as he could to the door and opened the ramp. He didn't see her in the small clearing and she wasn't by the small fire pit they had sat at last night. She left didn't she, of course she did why would she want to stay with him. He sat down at the remains of the fire, sure that any minute the resistance would be here for him and he didn't really care if they killed him.

As he was falling into that dark place, he saw Rey at the other end of the clearing. She walked barefoot to him carrying her boots in hands, just the sight of her pulled him from that place he so quickly fled to. She had the biggest smile on her face. "Hey, did you know there's pond over there. It's so beautiful here I just can't get enough of it."

He let out a deep breath, of course she was exploring the forest. He remembered how she looked yesterday when they arrived, the way she ran out the shuttle, the way she lit up when the sun hit her face. Eager to be a part of all the life he felt her reach out to the force, how warm her signature had been.

He felt like he might cry, he really thought she'd left. He swallowed hard realizing how much he needed her for the first time. He didn't know what to say to her at that moment and he just took in the image of her, she was so beautiful.

"What?" She blushed, "Stop looking at me like that."

"I thought you'd left me."

"Sorry I should have told you, I was just so excited to get out of this shuttle and not be freezing."

As she walked to him he stood. She was so close in front of him she had crane her neck to looked at him and he saw her take in a sharp breath surprised by how close he was, but she didn't pull back. Slowly, he wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her against his chest. "I really thought you left me." He repeated.

Rey softened into his embrace. "I'm not going anywhere."

He pulled her back, so he could see her face, finally he got the courage and leaned down to kiss her. Her lips were soft, and it seemed to fill him a light he didn't expect, she reached up and grabbed the back of his prolonging the kiss. When they eventually broke off the kiss, he pulled against his chest again and held her tight with his hand on her head.

They stood there holding each other for a long time, Kylo's leg was beginning to ache from standing on it but he did want to let her go. She must have noticed him turning to shift his weight, because she pulled back, "Ben, sit, your leg has to be killing you."

It really was, so he gave in and let her help him sit back by the fire pit. Her face was bright red, and he assumed his was just as bad since he could feel the heat in his ears. This was awkward, and he could feel the tension between them.

Eventually, she cleared her throat, "Um… should we go to town and you know get supplies."

"Yeah let's do that." He got up and grabbed a back from the shuttle, and Rey grabbed her staff and they headed it the direction of town. They had decided that wearing their lightsabers would be too much of a risk, but they really didn't want to go without them. After a few minutes of arguing they decided Rey would carry her staff and they'd pack the lightsabers in the bag.

He really hated how vulnerable he was on the crutch, not to mention being without his lightsaber. He argued with Rey about being without a weapon and she eventually gave him her small blaster. He was surprised when he felt the force of his father from the weapon, that must have been why she was unsure about giving it to him. He swallowed hard as he put it in his belt, trying to seem unaffected by it.

After about and hour of walking Kylo was extremely relieved to see the town, his leg throbbed from overuse. "Okay we need to be very careful and very quick, you will have to get the supplies since you know." He said as he motioned to the scar on his face.

"Wait, do we even have any credits?" she genuinely asked.

"Yes, we have credits, I stole some from the First Order but it's not much, so we have to be careful."

"Okay got it." She nodded. The whole thing made him nervous, if they were spotted this could be the end of all of this. He took a deep breath and let their way into the town, the small shack like building lined the roads. They made their way down to the main center that was set on a dock over looking the beach.

He didn't like being in the open town center, it was crowded and every person that pasted them sent a new wave of anxiety through him. He saw the bazaar turned to Rey, she was staring off into the horizon. He realized she was watching the waves crash on the sand, he wished he could enjoy the beauty of it, but he was getting more and more anxious by the moment.

"Rey, we need to hurry." He handed her the bag leaving him with only the blaster. "Go quickly, et the supplies and come around back, I don't like being exposed out here."

"Okay." She took a deep breathe, "I'll be right back."

He watched her as she entered the bazaar and snuck into the alley behind it. He couldn't believe they were doing this, if someone found him he could even run away and all he had was a pistol blaster. He stood with his back against the wall and tried to keep his face hidden, where was she? This was taking too long.

His anxiety began to overtake him, and he had the urge to run. A man past him in the alley and he was sure he recognized him. Oh Force, they were screwed, he wanted to leave but knew he couldn't abandon Rey. He took a deep breath to try to calm himself, he just had to wait and hope for the best. Just as he was sure he had to leave he saw Rey come around the corner and let out a deep breath.

"I got it let's go." She said as she walked by him. He couldn't be more relieved as he hurried out of the town ignoring the intense burning in his leg.


	17. Chapter 17

**Author's Note: Hey everyone! Sorry it's been so long since I've updated, I had wedding planning and then got food poisoning and I've had no time to write. I hope everyone's still enjoying the story please review, your reviews fuel me! Thanks -cork**

Rey lead the way from the town with Kylo in tow, the wound in his leg was so painful now he could barely stand anymore. He just wished they could be there or rest, but he was so afraid of people finding them he didn't want to lose any time. "Ben are you okay?"

"Yeah, just a lot of pain." He said through gritted teeth.

"We can rest for a moment if you'd like." She stopped so he could catch up, he was at least thirty feet behind her.

"No." He said defensively.

"Come on, you're obviously in pain and you look terrible just sit down for a little and we'll check the wound."

"I'm fine. I don't want to stop." He walked past her trying to seem like he really was fine.

She ran up to him. "Why? We're more than halfway there now lets just take a rest."

"I said no, I saw a man in the alley and I swear he recognized me and I don't want him to slow down incase we're being followed."

She stood in front of him and grabbed him by the shoulders. "I don't care. You are falling apart and need to rest, that pond I found is right near here. We can eat lunch and relax and then head back to the shuttle."

He could tell she wouldn't give in. "Fine but we won't be stopping long."

She smiled and lead the way to her pond, obviously pleased with herself for winning the agreement. He suddenly realized how hot it wasn't getting, by now it was late morning and the sun was beating down on them. He hadn't noticed since he was so distracted by the pain, but he was dripping with sweat.

They entered the small area that contained the pond and she was right it was beautiful. The trees surrounded the small pool of water and there were large rocks jutting from the ground on one side of the water. She helped him sit on one of the rocks by the water and they ate some of the food they had bought earlier.

After they finished eating Rey took off her boots and waded in the water, she leaned down and submerged her arms in the water as well. "Do you know how to swim?" she asked as she looked back to him.

"Yes, I learned as a child." He answered.

"I wish I could swim. There wasn't even really a body of water large enough in Jakku." She looked at the water with a longing look. He felt bad for her, she lived a lonely childhood.

"Maybe I could teach you some day." He wasn't sure why he said it, he just wanted her to be happy. The thought surprised him.

"I'd love that," she smiled wide. "Let me check your wound."

She walked to him and he pulled off his pants, he could tell that she was still embarrassed by it. The wound looked better, but it felt so much worse since he'd been walking on it all morning. "It looks like it should be okay in a few days." He said, hoping it was true.

"I think so too." She agreed.

They sat at the small forest pool for a while and slowly his anxiety started to fade as he watched Rey in the water. She had given up keeping her clothes dry and now sat in the shallow part of the pond. As the afternoon continued it got hotter by the minute and he wished they could stay by the cool pool water all day, but he knew they'd have to get to work eventually.

He couldn't quite get himself to say anything yet, he didn't want to break the perfect moment. Ben was memorized as he watched Rey tilt her head back letting her hair fall into the water. The sun seemed to illuminate her face perfectly and all he could do was stare. He tried to compare this person to the one he saw dripping wet and crying before she reached her hand to him.

He was broken from his trance as she looked to him, "You know you have a staring problem."

"Sorry." He tried to look away, "Um… you just look really nice I guess."

She blushed. "Are you flirting?"

He gave her a smirk and she splashed some water on him. "You're lucky I can barely walk, girl."

"Um… okay whatever you say." She looked away from him smiling slyly.

He took a deep breath and let himself commit this to memory, just the two of them pretending they were just normal people. He sighed. "We should get to work on our lesson."

Rey rolled her eyes. "Okay, I guess so," and reluctantly pulled herself from the cool water. She helped him up and they slowly walked back to their makeshift campsite. The walk was short, but it felt like hours as Ben was trying not to look at Rey and how her wet clothes were clinging to her body. He swallowed hard and tried to focus on walking with the crutch.

"So, let's focus on how you use the force." She looked at him a little smugly and crossed her arms. "How are you cocky when you barely know anything about the force."

"Hey, I know the basics. I know how to use the force."

"Okay, okay, how about mediation, did you learn that from Skywalker?" he could not believe she was already being stubborn.

She looked away, "He showed me once, but he said I was too much like you and he was frightened by it."

"Okay, well then let's start there, sit down." She sat on the ground cross-legged. "Alright, now reach out with the force, let yourself feel it all. And this time reach out to the dark, don't keep yourself from it."

Rey's eyes were closed, and she was silent, but he could feel the darkness surrounding her. She shuddered, "Don't be afraid, feel the power in it, use it for your purpose. It does not belong to you but let it fuel you, indulge those fears."

The force radiating of her was intoxicating, he breathed it in and bathed in the darkness of her force. He leaned down to her, "Now stay in that mindset and remember that there's a place for darkness in this world."

After about a half an hour she broke her concentration and looked to him, "I feel cold." She spoke as she panted obviously exhausted.

He knew that feeling, going a little too far in to the darkness. "Yes, but did you feel the power in it?"

"Yes, I did, it was overpowering and when it was gone I was left alone and afraid." She looked away sadly.

He smiled at her. "It's terrifying, but it can fuel you in battle better than anything else. And hey, you did amazing, I felt like I could drown in the force coming off you." She looked a little better. "Come on let's go to bed its late."

Kylo was overjoyed as they walked into the shuttle, she was great today and she seemed to energize him. And again, he wished he was healed so he could train her better.


	18. Chapter 18

**Author's Note: Hey everyone! Thank you for all the kind comments, I am feeling much better and should be continuing to update regularly. Anyway… enjoy the chapter -Cork**

Rey woke up in a shiver, she still felt cold from the mediation. All that darkness seemed to chill her to the bone, but she couldn't help but admit that she enjoyed it before she felt herself sinking in too deep. She considered getting out her old coat but decided that would be too much as she pulled the blanket closer. As she tried to wrap it around he she realized it was caught on something, only then did she notice Ben was leaning against the bed asleep.

She sighed, she had told him not to sleep on the floor with his bad leg. He looked so uncomfortable with his bandaged leg stretched out and the other bent at the knee, his head was slumped back on her bed. The way his head was leaning back she could see the scar go from his eye all the way down his neck and into the hem of his shirt. Every time she saw it she was overwhelmed with guilt, but she knew that was a different person.

She was sure he was changing earlier this morning, when she walked out, and he was there on the verge of tears thinking she'd left. And then that kiss, he felt like the warm sun poking through the canopy in the afternoon, so warm and bright but filtered through darkness. She had thought of it all day, not only how great it was but that fact that it even happened. How had she kissed Kylo Ren? Even if he was changing he still had done horrible things. She tried to shake the thought from her mind. Rey couldn't let him lay on the cold ground any longer.

"Ben, Ben wake up." He jolted awake, hand on his lightsaber until he realized it was just her and let out a breath of relief. "Hey, I told you not to sleep on the ground, go back to your bed."

"I couldn't sleep, it felt too alone." He said with his eyes still closed.

She sighed. She couldn't believe she was about to do this. "Then come up here, your leg's never going to heal on the ground."

"You sure?" He asked confused.

"Yes. Come on I'm freezing anyway." She heard him sigh and push himself off the ground, she moved over so he could fit. It was close, the bed was obviously made for only one person and he was definitely trying not to touch her. She rolled her eyes and laid her head on his chest, he stiffened at her sudden touch until he finally relaxed and wrapped his arm around her shoulder.

In that moment she felt so happy, she felt like she finally belonged. Of course, she felt some of that with the resistance, but with Ben she felt like she could truly be herself. He wasn't pretending to be nice to her because she was the "next Jedi master." She couldn't help but let her mind wander to what Finn would think if he saw her now laying in the arms of the Supreme Leader.

She tried not to think of them, she missed them so much. All Rey wanted was to help them, but she knew she'd never be able to leave Ben now. And yet, she couldn't really picture her and Ben waltzing in and being welcomed with open arms. Probably more than half of the Resistance would call for his immediate execution, she just wished they knew him now. She let out a deep breathe and breathed in his scent, as she tried to calm her mind to finally get some sleep.

As Ben entered the clearing he saw her. Rey was wading in the water of the small pool, the sun shined brightly reflecting off the clear water and he had to squint his eyes. However, her force seemed to shine into him even brighter and he breathed in her whole being. He stood there for a long time too afraid to he'd shatter the whole scene if he approached her. Then almost as he thought it a dark cloud shaded the clearing in darkness.

"You don't deserve this," he heard echoed in the sickly familiar voice, Snoke. "This isn't who you are, young apprentice."

Suddenly he was no long in the clearing, he was in the small darkened interrogation room on Starkiller Base. The walls seemed to ooze darkness as if all the suffering from this room was soaked into them. And in the middle, shackled to the cold metal chair was Rey. She looked like she was barely aware of her surroundings and he just wished he could pull her from the chair and take her away from this horrible memory. Instead, his hand shot out as he ripped through her mind, her face tightened from the pain and he could see here living in the old AT-AT. Why was this happening? Why was he hurting her? He tried to stop the force coming from him, but he was trapped in his body. "This is your place in this world. This is who you are."

He gasped as he was shaken awake, tears hot on his cheeks. He was still haunted by snoke's voice in his mind but even worse was the fresh memory of torturing Rey. Only then did he remember she was there asleep on his chest. He held her tight to him trying to forget the pained look on her face over his outstretched hand. He quickly wiped the tears from his face as he tried to slow his breathing so he could sleep again.


	19. Chapter 19

"Come on Rey, you can't fight with that stick forever." She glared at him. they'd been sparring for at least an hour and he was pretty sure Rey was going to try to kill him for real. "You're being too impulsive, you need to wait for the right moment."

She laughed. "Okay, sure, I'm the impulsive one. I'll make sure to remember that, Kylo Ren."

He couldn't help but chuckle, she was right, he'd obviously been impulsive in his past and he knew she was just trying to anger him using that name. "Well are you ready to try again?"

She finished taking a sip of water from her canteen and ignited her lightsaber in the ready position and Ben followed suit. As he leaned back on his leg he still felt a small ache, but it had healed considerable the past few days and he couldn't be happier to strength it up again.

Suddenly he came at her full force making her take the defensive hoping she find an opportunity to take the offensive. Ben struck hard over her head with all his strength, he knew her biggest weakness was her small size. However, she skillfully countered each strike moving back to keep the distance, she was definitely doing better than last time.

Then Rey went for a hard strike to his left which he was able to counter until she went for another horizonal swipe sending him back on his weak leg. And just like that he was on defensive, she continued quick strikes, so he was too busy countering to get a strike on her. She swiped low to his ankles and he was forced to jump over her blade, he smiled, she really was trying to kill him.

He was mesmerized by brow scrunched together in anger, her lips were curled back in a snarl, she let out a small scream as she went for a jab at his shoulder. He fell back on the ground and before he could get up from the sitting position she forced him in he felt the heat of her blade just inches from his neck. Rey looked down on him with the smuggest smile he'd even seen, clearly pleased with herself.

Ben put his hands up in front of him. "I yield."

Before he could wipe the smirk off his face, she pushed him by the shoulders onto his back. "You're an ass." She said as she turned and grabbed her water.

Then as he laid on his back in the mud he did something he hadn't in a really long time, laughed. It seemed to explode out of him, like he had no really control over it, he tried to breath and regain his composer until he saw Rey sulking by the fire pit with her arms crossed across her chest which just made him laugh more. Finally, he managed to choke out, "What? I yielded."

She shot a glare at him. "After, you practically took my head off."

He let out another laugh, "Just utilizing my enemies weaknesses. And by the way you did the same thing going for leg, it was a smart move. That's how you won."

She tried to hold back a smile. He looked up to evening sky still laying on his back in the dirt, the fading sunlight seemed to drape him in a welcoming warmth, like a thick blanket. He honestly couldn't remember that last time he felt this content and it frightened him. This is wrong. He didn't deserve this, he'd destroyed so many lives, he had been pure destruction and he hadn't even cared. This was just some cruel joke from the universe, she'd either leave or he'd destroy her. He couldn't imagine which would be more painful.

Almost on cue, Rey came and laid next to him on the forest floor, he stretched her arms back behind her head. "This planet is much better than Ilum." She said very matter of fact.

He turned his head to look at her, "You just hate cold."

"Yes, that planet was cold, this one is warm, and therefore better." She smiled taking in the sun. "I'm easy to please."

He laughed at her and appalled, she playfully slapped his chest. Ben quickly took the opportunity to pull her close to him with his arm wrapped around her shoulder. He tried to push those terrible thoughts from his mind and just enjoy her company.

For awhile this was how the days past. They would train and spar and relax, Ben took up running to try to help strength his legs as Rey often mediated by the small pool hidden in the forest. It felt like paradise to both of them, but they were painfully aware of the disaster the rest of civilianization was in. More and more unrest was beginning in the small beach city and it was starting to concern both of them. Rey wanted to fight, Ben wanted to hide.

He wasn't even sure he had a side in this fight, he obviously not First Order now, but he also wasn't a rebel. It was like he was being pulled between the two, he'd rather just hide, he was done fighting. But not Rey, she wanted to return to the resistance and help them take down the First Order and he wanted him to come with her.

Ben knew she was being pulled apart too, he knew she missed her friends. Not only that but he could tell she was growing impatient not doing anything. In an attempt to distract he fulfilled his promise to give her swim lessons. She picked it up naturally and as soon as she learned she did almost nothing else but swim.

However, no matter what they did, his anxiety was skyrocketing. Everyday spent on Rishi was a high risk of being spotted, but where else could the go? He knew they'd have to go to the city soon for more supplies. Ben had a bad feeling about almost everything at this point.


	20. Chapter 20

**Author's Note: Hey everyone! I can't believe this is chapter 20 already! I have so much plan for this story so keep expecting updates. Thanks for all the support -Cork**

Rey sat by their small fire pit picking at a piece of bread when Ben came up behind her. "Hey, I'm going to into the city to get some supplies."

"Okay, I'll probably going swimming so don't freak if I'm not here when you get back." She smiled at him. "Be safe."

"You too." He said as lightly squeezed her shoulder. He hated leaving her behind, but they were too recognizable together. She fought him about who would go last night after they decided only one should, but he knew he'd be way to anxious waiting on her. Plus, if he got caught they'd probably forget about her and he could warn her to leave. After a few hours of arguing, she finally agreed.

As ben walked down the path to the city he pulled his collar up in a vain attempt to cover his scar. He knew that's what most people would notice first, and he was sure the First Order was including it in their description. He was already extremely anxious as he saw the outline of the small beach city on the horizon.

It had only taken him about half the time it had last time and he guessed he moved a lot quicker without that tiny crutch holding him back. Ben took in a deep breath to relax himself, he also decided to disguise his force in case there were any force sensitives, he didn't need any more unwanted attention.

Just as he planned, the town was crowded with people focused on their own tasks. He kept his head down as he briskly walked down each alley to the city square. It was even more crowded then it had been last time they had gotten supplies and the mass of people seemed to move on its own accord. Ben joined the massive group trying desperately to blend in as he made his way to the shop.

Luckily, he made it to the small shop and quickly gathered the supplies with no incident. He let out a sigh, glad he was almost done here and could make sure Rey was safe. He assumed he could try to reach out to her through the bond, but he thought that would just worry her. He had told her he'd only be in contact if something was very wrong.

He was so lost in thought he almost missed the glaring sign on the side of one of the buildings. "Wanted for high treason against the First order." And there staring back at him was an image of himself, unmasked and scarred, and next to his holoself was Rey. His blood ran cold as he took off as fast as he could without causing attention.

At least we haven't been spotted yet, He tried to convince himself, but he knew with so many people at least one was bound to recognize him. Ben hadn't even had the chance to check what the bounty was, but he was sure it was high and at least ten bounty hunters had to be after them.

He had to warn Rey. Rey. Rey! He couldn't think of anything else to say in his panic.

What's wrong? She seemed to echo all through his mind, she sounded just as panicked as he was.

Get the ship ready. We need to leave now! As he was communicating to her, he'd forgotten to focus where he was going, and suddenly in front of him was a squad of Stormtroopers questioning some people on the street. He quickly turned down an alley and hoped none of them saw him. he needed to be more careful.

This was bad, this was very bad, he thought to himself as he finally exited the city and took off in a sprint for their camp a mile away. This was taking too long, he was so frustrated that he couldn't be there immediately.

His thoughts were interrupted, Ben! They're here! Her fear shook him to the core.

Get in the shuttle. Use the missiles, I'm almost there. He had never felt so hopeless. This was it this was how he lost her, wasn't it? He let his fear and anxiety fuel his sprint as he grabbed his lightsaber from the bag.

Ben let out a breath as he past the pool and saw Rey wasn't there, he hoped she made it to the shuttle. He was about to enter the clearing of their campsite when he heard the gun of the shuttle, she'd made it. Rey, take off.

I'm not leaving without you, I'll go out and fight myself if I have to. She screamed back at him. of course, she would be stubborn about this. He tried to clear his head, there was about twenty people in the clearing, they were obviously bounty hunters. For a second, he considered trying to force control her into taking off, but he knew she'd just resist and then neither of them would be strong enough to fight.

He guessed he'd just have to fight them off. Ben saw a small group standing near the tree line and sprung to action as he ignited his lightsaber. He took the first one out with ease and swiped at another before they could figure out what had happened. Before the second even hit the ground, a rain of blaster bolts were flying his way. At least I'm causing a distraction, he thought to himself as he pulled a force shield around himself and sent the bolts flying in all directions. Two more fell from stray bolts and Rey got another three with the ships gun.

For the first time he let himself believe they might make it out of here alive, as he struck down another two, but before he knew it he was surrounded. Only then did he realize he had a blaster on his hip and pulled it out to fire on the group quickly teaming up on him. He finally had the advantage and shot the blaster at the furthest of them as he swiped his saber at those nearing in on him.

The power was swelling through him, however instead of just fear he was also fueled by his feelings for Rey, his need to protect her and he felt stronger then he ever had as he struck down two more. Ben was feeling both darkness and light until out of nowhere he heard Rey scream. The sound seemed to freeze the blood in his veins and only then did he notice the ramp to the shuttle was down. They'd gotten to her, a man about his size had Rey at gun point in the doorway of the ship.

"The notorious Kylo Ren I presume." His voice was as oily as he looked. His yellowed shirt was worn and dirty, almost the same color as the sandy blond hair that brushed against his forehead. He gave him a sickly smile. "Drop the weapons or I'll blow her head off."

Rey struggled under his arm, but he easily overpowered her. Slowly he laid the blaster and his lightsaber on the ground in front of him. "Ben! Don't!" she tried to warn him, but he knew he couldn't risk her life.

The man let out a hearty laugh. "Wow she really has a hold on you." He moved his dirty hand down her cheek as she tried to pull away. "She must be very… special." He said with a wink.

It boiled his blood and he force pulled his lightsaber to his hand and quickly ignited it. In response the man fired a shot in the air and returned the pistol back to her temple. Ben understood the message, but it still took everything in him to place the saber back on the ground.

"I've had enough fun for now, let's get going." He said to his remaining henchmen. And before Ben could realize what happened he was knocked unconscious.


	21. Chapter 21

**Author's Note: Hey everyone! Sorry it took me a while to update work has been crazy. Anyway I'm super excited for these next few chapters so let me know what you think. Thanks for all the support -Cork**

Ben awake leaning against a cold metal wall, his head was pounding and felt so weak. Slowly, he remembered what had happened, the fight on Rishi, the shuttle, Rey being captured and him surrendering. Suddenly he was on his feet, search every inch of the room for a way out, the door was barely visible in the sea of blackness. He used all his strength and any force he could muster to try to breakthrough the door.

He had to get out of here, he had to get to Rey. He couldn't fell her at all and it terrified him. How could her signature just being missing, he could always feel it? How could this happen? How could he lose her? Why did he go to that stupid city? He could have prevented this if he had just stayed there with her.

He had failed her. Rey was probably dead or hidden away somewhere being tortured, he hated that out of those two options he wished she was dead. He couldn't get the image of her struggling from the bounty hunter out of his mind. It was as if she was right in front of him, eyes still wide with fear and pleading for his help. He slammed his fists again the door and released all the anger in him.

After he exhausted himself even further, he slummed in the corner and just let the sobs over take him. What was the point of all this? He should have never met Rey on Ilum, she'd be safe if he hadn't been so selfish. Out of nowhere, he felt his legs pinned to the ground and knew it was a force hold.

"Too afraid to face me equally." He said as the door opened. Viveca stood in the doorway staring at him with a look of disgust.

"You're pathetic." She spat out after a long silence. He didn't even try to fight the hold, she was right he had no fight left in him. She leaned down and lifted his chin to look at his face and he jerked away. "Who are you?"

He looked back to the wall with his face still wet from tears. "What, am I not what you remember?"

"What happened to the boy who lead us from the Jedi temple, who struck down the light side and whose force was as cold as ice? You would strike down anyone who stood in your way and that's why we followed you. Now you're just a traitor."

He tried desperately to ignore her, he didn't like to think of any of his time at the Temple. "You know I don't know anything about the Resistance, right? So, there's really no need for all of this." He said as he gestured to the room around them.

"Yeah. But I think she does and I'll get her to tell me." She said with a wink. Rey was alive, but that just meant she'd be tortured. "True, she is but not for long, your both scheduled for execution."

 _Kriff, she's in my mind._ He used the little energy he had to slowly build a shield around his mind. He couldn't let her see how worried he was for Rey, he knew it would only make it worse for her, Viveca could be incredibly cruel. Oh stars, he just hoped she was okay. He needed to pull himself together, he couldn't just sit here in his own desperate and wait from them to get executed. "She doesn't know anything either. She's been with me this whole time."

"Well, I guess we'll see about that." She said as she turned to the door. "See you soon, Kylo." And with that the door slammed shut and the metal locks made a deafening clack.

 _Where am I?_ Rey thought as she looked around the small metal room. It was empty, just black steel walls that seemed to swallow her whole. She swallowed hard remembering what had happened on Rishi, however, she couldn't remember anything after seeing Ben's unconscious body hit the ground. Ben. She reached out through their bond but felt nothing. She was able to feel him on Rishi when he was knocked out, fear starting to sink in. Maybe he was just very far away, she tried to communicate through the bond but felt nothing. She tried not to think of what that could mean, she needed to focus.

She looked all around them room, it was just black metal on all surfaces except for a small drain in the middle. She knew that could only be a bad sign. It was only then that she truly noticed she was only in her light pants and her breast band. They'd taken everything, even her boots, they wanted her to feel vulnerable and it was working.

She reached out through the force and felt almost nothing but darkness, and that's when she was certain she was in the custody of the First Order. She knew she was about to be tortured and she could feel her heart beating in her ears. The tears were hot in her eyes, but she refused to let them spill, she had to get it together. She couldn't appear weak, not here, not now, Ben may need her, she had to be strong.

She sat up, took a deep breath and tried to reset her mind. She relaxed a little and closed her eyes, she would not waste this time. Rey reached out and began to mediate, she tried to work on shielding her mind as Ben had taught her. She let the pure darkness of this place flow through her, she focused on the pain and fear that occurred in this room, but she also tried to focus on the people that had past through here.

She truly believed at least half had to have been good people. Prisoners of war, captured rebels, people who were just trying to do what they believed was right. She would fight this, she wouldn't give in and she would find Ben. She knew he had to be alive, she would know if he wasn't.

Rey just wished he was here with her now, that they could find this together or that she could at least feel his force. It had to be painful for him to be here in the First Order custody and she was sure it would just make them even more ruthless.

Suddenly the heavy metal door slowly creeped open, and the figure in the door made her blood run cold. There illuminated by the light of the hallway was Viveca. She looked just as threatening as she had on Ilum and her force was dark it sent another shiver through her body. Rey was paralyzed and was unable to do anything but stare at her in fear.

"Nice to officially meet you, Rey." She spoke sarcastically. "So, lets get to the point, you are going to tell me everything I want to know."

"I'm not telling you anything." Rey responded as confidently as she could.

A sinster smile creeped over Viveca face. "I was hoping you'd say that."

Before Rey could react, her arm flew up and Rey could feel her burrowing her way in to her mind. Rey used all her strength to keep up the weak shields she'd barely managed to build in her mind, but it felt as if Viveca was carving her soul to pieces. She still didn't let go of those shields, she used all the force she feel to try to fuel her strength.

Then Viveca quickly threw a hard punch in Rey's exposed stomach and it took the last of her strength as well as her breath away. She lay on the floor curled in a ball, and that was when she felt her finally make her way past her shields. "Perfect," Viveca hissed.


	22. Chapter 22

**Author's Note: Hey everyone! It was really hard writing this chapter but I hope you enjoy! Thanks for all the reviews! -Cork**

Rey wondered how long she's been here as she picked at the small piece of bread she'd been given. She assumed it'd been about a week since she'd been given the bread and water six times so far, but that was her only way of keeping track of time. Everything else had been random, her sleep, the beatings, the times Viveca came to her small cell.

Recently even the interrogations had even been random, they didn't even ask her questions anymore. In the beginning she was asked what she expected, where the resistance was, the information they had, what their future plans were, but she honestly didn't know much of the answers. Unfortunately for her knowing less just meant more beatings. They were brutal, she'd be punched, kicked and stomped. A few days ago, a trooper stomped hard on her arm hard and she clearly heard a crack. Ever since then she was unable to move it and was convinced it was broken.

However, the physical beatings were nothing compare to when Viveca came for her. She came to find memories of the Resistance, and her searching Rey's mind was extremely painful. When she found her way in it was as if she was slowly carving through her mind to find the exact moment in her life she was looking for. And then Rey would be there, reliving the memory, but it was wrong and forced, it felt as if her mind was vomiting the memory.

But once she made her way through the memories of her time with the Resistance, she moved on to anything she could find. Rey was sure she was looking for something, as she painfully relived her memories as a child, her memories with Ben, and it was extremely violating. She would try to push her out, but she'd become very weak and again fighting back just lead to some kicks in the ribs. A while ago, Viveca was looking for her feelings about Ben and after a very long painful search, she found the memory of their swim lesson.

Again, the memory forced its way in front of her eyes. She saw it clear as day, her and Ben were standing in the water of their small pool, the water splashed against her chest, but it only barely covered his waist. She tried to stop herself from feeling the anxiety that was building inside of her. He chuckled. "Rey, I'm not going to let you drown."

"Stop reading my mind, Ben."

"I didn't have to, I can tell just by the look on your face." He said smugly.

She glared back at him. "Are you going to teach me anything or not."

He walked her though the basics, showing her how to kick and float on her back. She felt incredibly embarrassed as his hand steadied her lower back, she tried not think of why it did to her as she floated on her back. She liked laying like that, it was very peaceful. Letting the water hold her weight and the way it soaked her hair.

Then, he taught her how to move her arms to stay above the waterline, at first, she was terrified to let go of him, but she quickly learned to trust he'd help her if anything happened. And before she knew it she was swimming, she never thought she'd swim in her whole live and all she could do was smile.

They swam for hours, and by the time they were heading back Ben's face and shoulders were red from the sun. it made him look young and innocent yet made his scars even more noticeable. His hair was wet and slicked back and even the top of his ears were sunburnt just adding to his boyish looks. She thought about how little sun he must have gotten recently from how burnt he got.

And before she knew it the memory faded. She could feel the tears streaming down her face, she wished she could have kept Viveca out. That was her memory, their pool, she did not have the right to see it. Rey hated this, she wished he was here with her now, just seeing him could give her the strength to keep fighting.

But recently, all her fight was gone. Rey tried to go back to that place when she first got here, when she was ready to do anything to make it out and find Ben. However, she was so weak, she couldn't even keep down the food anymore. She hated it and just wished it'd be over, and she didn't even care how anymore.

Even worse then the hopelessness was the side effects of Viveca digging through her mind, she was suffering from both headaches and hallucinations. The first time she noticed them, she'd just woken up and across the room she saw the small doll of the resistance pilot she had as a child. She had naively reached out to it, hoping for that childlike comfort she'd found from it, but it disappeared before she touched it. And that was when she knew she was in really bad shape.

Rey had hallucinations before, mostly from dehydration, but these were different. It was almost as if bits and pieces from her memories were still mixed up. She'd seen Finn and Poe and Leia. She also saw Han and Chewie, but more then anything she saw Ben. Sometimes he'd be sitting with his hand outstretched to her or laying on the ground as he had on Rishi. She even saw him masked with his lightsaber drawn ready to strike. She didn't mind seeing, but she just wished she could hold him and forget about all her pain.

All she wanted was rest, Rey laid on the cold steel ground hoping she could get just a few hours of sleep. Maybe if she was rested she'd be able to fight, maybe she'd survive this after all. She blinked, and then sitting against the wall was Ben, he was shirtless, asleep, hand on his lightsaber as he had slept on the shuttle. She knew he wasn't really there but as she drifted off Rey let herself believe that Ben truly was there watching over her as she slept.


	23. Chapter 23

**Author's Note: Hey everyone! As always I hope you enjoy this chapter! I'm loving right this story and I hope all of you are enjoying reading. Let me know what you think! -Cork**

 _Neither are you._ Ben shot awake, swearing he heard Rey, but of course he was still alone in the small cell. He tried to calm down, he knew they had to get out of here soon their executions had to be any day, and he refused to let it end that way. He assumed they were only still alive because Viveca enjoyed toying with him. She barely even beat him, she'd just project her memories of Rey's torture to him and it was driving him insane.

The first time she did it he saw Rey's face completely over taken by the pain and he had sprung at Viveca like a coiled snake ready to finally get his revenge, but he only got one punch in before a whole squad of stormtroopers came to subdue him. He screamed at her demanding she told him where she was, begging to let her go, but Viveca just laughed at him. Each time after that she had at least three troopers hold him down, it made him sick seeing Rey like that and knowing her pain was because of his actions.

As the memories played before his eyes, he felt all the emotion Viveca had which just made it even worse. Rey would be beaten or having her memory dug through, but he would feel satisfaction just as Viveca had. And then the memory would fade, and he'd feel guilt or anger, or sadness and it would destroy him all over again. Every day he seemed to sink deeper into that black pool.

But this was ending today, for Viveca to be able to see her and him in such short times Rey had to be near. Recently, he'd just silently suffered through the torture to build up his strength, he couldn't afford another beating and Viveca believing he'd given into her was an added bonus. He wasn't going to let her win. He was going to get Rey to safety and he was going to find a way to make this up to her.

He spent all of yesterday making an escape plan. He knew at least two stormtroopers were guarding him at all times and there were bound to be more in the cell block. Ben knew he couldn't fight all of them off unarmed, so he needed to find a way to either distract them or trick them. After a long mediation he thought he figured it out and now it was time to set his plan in motion.

Ben was ready to go with only the assumption that it was night giving him comfort, he stood to the side of the door and took a deep breath hoping this would work. He focused on the illusion he had spent all day creating, a loud noise against the floor and only moments after a stormtrooper swung the door open and called for help. Ben knew what he was seeing, in the illusion Ben was laying on the floor throat slit and bloody. He grabbed a key card from the distracted trooper and as he snuck out the door he heard the trooper curse as he tried to stop the imaginary blood.

As he was running through the hallway he tried to focus on keeping the illusion as his bare feet slapped the cold metal floors. He needed to find Rey before they realized what had happened and he needed a weapon, he luckily stumbled upon a terminal and quickly found the cell where Rey was kept. Cell B-19, he tried to think of a way out after he found her, but at this point all he could focus on was finding her alive. He just hoped he wasn't too late.

At the terminal, he found the evidence locker and knew he had to stop there in hope their lightsabers were kept there. He ran from the terminal, not wanting to waste any more time, as he turned the corner he was face to face with a stormtrooper. For a long moment they both just stared at each other too shocked to move, the trooper lifted he blaster but before he could pull the trigger, Ben veiled the stormtrooper's conscious forcing him to collapse on the cold floor.

Ben was surprised that as his helmet bounced on the metal floor, he felt a twinge of guilt. He couldn't believe how much he'd changed, but also how little he'd changed. Just as he always had he still felt conflicted, his fears were one of the only constants in his life. But Rey had been a shining light in his fear and he couldn't let anything happen to her.

And before he knew it he was standing in front the evidence room. Ben tore through the room, _they needed to be here they needed to_. He reached out and quickly found that small dark energy from his lightsaber. The Kyber crystal with in it felt almost just as conflicted as he had, torn between two extremes. He opened a locker and there they sat, he let out a deep breath. He always loved the way it felt in his hand, he had always felt belonging deep in that crystal. He clipped them both to his belt and ran out the door to Rey. As he ran down the hall he skimmed the numbers looked the right cell.

Finally, here it was B-19, he pulled out the key card and with a shaky hand unlocked the door. His worst nightmare couldn't have prepared him for the image in front of him as the heavy door swung open. Rey was curled in a ball in the corner, a piece of stale bread sat next to her and she was shivering violently. She only wore a pair of light pants and her breast band, her exposed stomach showed dark purple bruised covering her ribs. She was cradling her right arm and dried blood trailed from her nose to her stained breast band.

He quickly ran to her holding back tears he didn't realize she was this bad, "Rey, Rey can you hear me?" He asked as he lightly shook her not wanting to further injure her, she seemed so fragile. Ben thought any touch may shatter her into a million pieces

"Ben? Is that you?" She said as she slowly opened her eyes swollen with bruises. He shook his head yes. She smiled. "I missed you."


	24. Chapter 24

He lightly laughed through the tears, "Oh I missed you too, Rey. Are you able to stand?"

"I think so."

Ben quickly took off his shirt and wrapped it around her as he helped her to her feet, but her knees buckled, and he scooped her up in his arms. He was weak but if this was what he had to do he'd do it. It may be extremely hard, but he was not going to quit until she was safe. He couldn't believe he'd gotten her into this situation and he just needed to get her out of here. He looked down at her and she was already asleep, or probably more accurately unconscious, she was going to die here if he didn't find a way out.

As Ben turned to the door he was met with a blaster to his face, "Put her down now." An unfamiliar voice commanded. A man dressed in a First Order uniform held the blaster and he slowly recognized who it was, FN 2187.

Ben just stared back at him, "She can't stand. She's very injured." He said through gritted teeth. This was a big problem.

"What did you do to her?!" He yelled at him closing the distance between them.

"I didn't do anything, I'm trying to help her." The anger was quickly building inside him, but he knew he'd have to explain himself. With his most sincere voice he said, "We were taken together, I'm just trying to get her to safety."

"You're a liar! You did this to her didn't you. Give her to me."

"She basically weights the same as you, there's no way you can carry her." Ben pulled her to his chest he wasn't giving her up this easy. Ben was surprised by how desperately he clung to her, the thought of having her out of his arms was terrifying.

"Rey? Rey, it's Finn, I'm getting you out of here." He was yelling to her.

"Finn?" she whispered as she stirred in his arms barely conscious.

"Rey, I came for you. I'm gonna help you." But she was gone again, she felt barely alive in his arms, she wasn't going to last long.

"Just let me help you get her out of her. And then I'll leave, I promise." He didn't care as long as she was safe. Finn was quiet for a long time, "We can't stand here forever."

Ben knew this wasn't going to work, all three of them would die if he couldn't think of a way out of this. Then suddenly it came to him, he used all the terror and pain to project a memory into Finn's mind. He showed him that night on Jakku, a fire in the center of the village blazed into the dark desert sky, stormtroopers opened fired on the villagers, but he wasn't focused on that.

The deafening noise subsided as he saw a lone trooper staring at him, blood smeared on his mask. Ben could feel the man's fear, his hatred toward him, and his defiance to fire on the innocents, he knew he should immediately report it to Captain Phasma. But for some reason he felt pity for the man, he knew how hard it was to kill another person.

They both looked at each other's masked eyes for a long time. Finally, Ben decided to ignore what he had seen here as he turned to the shuttle and released the bolt he'd be force holding.

Finn was filled with terror and he stared at Ben wide eyed. "Let me help you, please. Finn, I need her safe."

Finn was staring at Rey, broken and unconscious in his arms. "Fine, but only because she can't walk." He motioned to him to follow. "Don't try to pull anything either, Ren."

Ben forced himself to keep his mouth shut as he followed him out the cell. As they ran to the end of the cell block the were meet by another man in a First Order uniform, "What took you so long?" His voice was raspy, and it sent a paralyzing chill down his spine, Ben hoped it wasn't who he thought it was.

"There were some complications." Finn responded as the man turned to look at them.

"What the Force is this?" He yelled motioning to Ben. "That asshole is not coming with us."

Ben was right, it was the Resistance pilot he had tortured, Dameron was his name he believed. "I want the same thing as you, to get Rey to safety, that's it." He tried to send him some light in his force with his words.

He pointed his finger at him as took a step closer. "Don't use those kriffing mind tricks on me." He turned to Finn. "I knew this was a bad idea, Finn."

Finn followed him as he walked down the corridor. Ben needed them to hurry up and make a decision, they were losing precious time and Rey did not have much time left. Rey began stirring in his arms, and he could feel his chest tighten, he couldn't let her die, she was everything. He'd never forgive himself if something happened to her because of him.

The two men walked back down the corridor, Ben guessed Finn was able to convince Dameron that he wasn't going to kill them. Dameron came in close to Ben, "Ok listen here, the only reason I didn't kill you on sight is out of respect for your mother, something I know you don't possess. And the only reason I'm letting you help us out of this is out of respect for Rey. One wrong move and I will kill you without a second thought you Snake."

The anger and guilt engulfed him, he could feel himself sinking into that cold abyss he used to find such comfort in, but now it only filled him with fear. He was ready to let that darkness explode on the small man, how dare he judge him, he knew nothing off him. If this man truly cared for Rey he wouldn't make up these conditions, did they think he wanted to work them, but he would do anything if it was for Rey.

He couldn't even see straight, and his fingernails were digging hard in to his clenched fist when he was sure he couldn't hold it in anymore. Then suddenly, Rey stirred again and as Ben looked down to her she clung to his chest. Her touch sent a new wave of light into his core and it just reminded him that he needed to keep control for her. He knew they were her friends and he'd deal with them for her.

He took a deep breath and through gritted teeth, "Fine. But we need to move now, they have to be aware that were missing now."

Finn gave Dameron a gentle squeeze on the shoulder. "He's right, Poe. We need to move."

"First give me the weapons." Ben hated the thought of being unarmed surrounded by so many enemies. He thought about it for a long time until he came to the conclusion it had to be done, Ben offered his hip to Poe and he unclipped them from his belt. Poe took lead in front of Ben and yelled back to him, "Well I guess let's move then, Ren."


	25. Chapter 25

**Author's Note: Hey everyone! The story is really picking up and I have so many plans for it going forward! As always let me know what you think! -Cork**

Rey let out a small whimper as the four of them ran through the dark corridors of what he now assumed was the Finalizer. He couldn't believe that he even caused her pain trying to save her from her pain. Why had he believed that he could help her, he was pure disaster and he knew inevitable he'd destroy her too.

Ben was so distracted by his own thoughts he almost ran right into Poe in front of him. Poe gave him a look of pure venom as he mouthed the word _stormtroopers._

Ben prepared himself, even if he was unarmed, he wasn't defenseless. Poe and Finn readied their blasters, but Ben was preparing his mind. A squad of stormtroopers turned the corner, eight in total. Poe quickly got a grab of one and Finn fired on another as the hall spiraled into chaos.

He pulled his force around himself and let that shield slowly spread out to his recent allies. Then he thought of that very chaos and fear and used it to fuel his spirit. But he was still too weak, so he remembered the strange power he felt with Rey on Rishi. The power grew in him and he released it with a scream.

A wave of force pushed through the hallway as the remaining troopers slammed into the hard metal walls. The blow was so strong a few panels flew from the wall exposing their mechanical insides. Both Finn and Poe looked at him with confusion and amazement, they were frozen in shock.

"Let's just get to hangar." Ben said as he continued past the paralyzed men. He attempted to look strong but truly the energy had made him lightheaded and dizzy. However, he just kept moving taking this whole escape one step at a time.

He looked down at Rey in his arms. She was so injured, how had he let this happen? He should have protected her, but instead he led her right to the worse place possible. Ben knew Rey had gotten the worse of the torture, she was on her death bed for Force sake. The tears started to build in his eyes from all the suffering he had caused.

Even now he could feel a new darkness in her. Her signature was just a tint darker, but he knew it was because of him. He'd ruined that part of her, he had irreversible changed her and it was for the worse. He had left his mark on her just as he had on so many others throughout the galaxy. But to be honest, the one person who he cared about influencing most was her.

Rey had risked everything for him, and how did he repay her? By putting a target on her hand and letting her get tortured just to use against him. She'd become a pawn to be used against him and he couldn't stand that thought. She easily could have been killed, stars she still could be, they weren't out of the woods yet.

"Here we are." Finn said as they turned the corner into the hangar, they were almost there. He froze in place as he turned the corner and there in the hangar sat The Millennium Falcon. Before he could process all the mixed feelings the ship brought him, he felt a familiar force from his childhood, Chewbacca. Ben swore the blaster wound on his hip seemed to ache from the force of the creature who caused it.

This was too much he couldn't do this, he couldn't face him and what he'd done to him. He just stood there paralyzed in fear, until finally Poe broke the spell, "Come on we need to get out of here!"

Only then did Ben realize there were being fired on, he took off in a sprint towards the absolute last place he wanted to be, his father's ship. But nonetheless, he continued and tried to shield at least Rey and himself for the blaster bolts as Finn and Poe returned fire. Bolts flew all around the hangar and flames and sparks shot from where the missed shots finally found targets.

As they ran up the ramp, the force of his father almost brought him to his knees, it surrounded him all around, almost as if the entire ship was forged with his force. He tried to keep the memories of the time he'd spent here as a child, being chased down these same corridors and playing hide-n-seek in the secret smuggling compartments at bay.

He tried not to think of it as he made his way to the crew quarters, Finn opened his mouth to give him directions until he awkwardly realized that he knew this ship very well. Poe ran to cockpit and Finn climbed down to the gunner position. But Ben could care less, as he entered the crew quarters he gently laid Rey done on a cot and pulled the blanket over her since she was still shivering quite violently.

Ben felt the ship lift off as he got to his feet to get Rey some water, when she reached out and grabbed his leg. "Ben, don't leave." She sounded panicked.

He kneeled down so he could see her face. "Hey, I'm just going to get water, I'll be right back."

As he walked through the hallways with the water he could hear Poe and Chewy yelling and Finn firing the cannons in response. Even now he felt like he was just a ghost, awkwardly in the background of all the chaos. It reminded him of how he had often felt with his parents on this very ship, them arguing as he explored the ship in the times his father was home.

Ben hated this flood of memories he was experiencing here he wished he could just escape from this place it was all too much for him. As he reentered the room he felt them take off into hyperspace, but he barely noticed as the sight of Rey was almost just a shocking as when he saw her in that cell.

Her face was still covered in dry blood and it was now obvious that her lip was split contributing to blood running down her face. And her nose was crooked and swollen and he knew it had to be broken, not to mention even with the blanket and his shirt, she was still visibly shivering. Force just the sight of her brought tears to his eyes again.

He busied himself, getting her another blanket, but as he placed it on her Finn entered the small room, Ben tried to ignore him. He used the glass of water and a rag to clean some of the blood off her face.

"You know you can't stay here right?" Finn finally broke the silence, but Ben tried to keep his mind off it. "Poe refuses to bring you back to base."

He couldn't say he hadn't seen it coming. "Yeah, that's what I thought."

"We'll give you back your lightsaber and we'll take you where ever you want to go."

Ben could feel the pit in his stomach growing with dread and anxiety. "Taris." Was all he could get out, it was the only place he could think of.

"Okay, I'll be back."

As he walked out Ben went into full panic mood, maybe he could get him and Rey out of here in an escape pod. He couldn't let the two of them be separated, not with her in this condition. Oh Force, he wasn't even sure she'd survive the journey. It's not like he really wanted to go with the resistance, but he just wanted to help Rey get well again.

He sat there next to her bed for a long time, it reminded him on their time at Ilum, Rey startled awake from her nightmare and him sleeping on the floor by her bed. He had no idea how much time pasted, since his mind was running wild trying to think of all the possibilities. He still hadn't decided when he felt the ship leave hyperspace.

Finn was standing in the door again, and Poe was watching over his shoulder. "Um… it's time." Ben just stared at them for a long time. Finn stepped up to him and with a sincere look he said, "She's safer with us."

It stuck a cord with him, he was right, she was safer here. He nodded holding back tears as he leaned in to Rey and kissed her lightly on forehead. As he was standing she opened her eyes, "Ben, stay here."

Her voice sent a knife through his heart. And he kneeled by her bed, "Hey Rey, I'm just going for a second. I'll be back soon. Just get some rest. I want you to know how sorry I am for all of this and being with you has been amazing."

She gave him a suspicious look, "Don't get sentimental on me Solo."

He hated that even barely conscious she was tried to joke with him, and now he was crying again as he leaned down to meet her split dry lips. He kissed her with all the pain and love he felt for her in that moment. "Just get some rest Rey."

He pulled the blankets back over her and turned to Finn and Poe in the door. He wiped the tears from his face as he steeled himself t take the journey away from her. As he lowered himself in the escape pod, he turned to Finn who had followed him. "Please take care of her and … and tell her I'm sorry."

Finn looked back at him honestly. "I will."

The small pod hissed as the door closed and he was launched from the ship. He couldn't help but watch as the ship trailed off into hyperspace. And as always, he was left behind as The Millennium Falcon took away those he loved.


	26. Chapter 26

**Author's Note: Hey everyone! I had a hard time writing this chapter but I hope you enjoy how it turned out. Let me know what you think! -Cork**

"Please."

Rey couldn't help but stare at the exposed hand in front of her. She thought of how he'd met her offered hand after the promise that they were no longer alone. She could see the tears building gin his nervous eyes, barely holding on as the rooms engulfed in flames behind him. Amongst all the chaos Ben was there as a calming force showing her a way out. She reached her hand to meet his.

As their hands touched, she felt that same electricity as he pulled her into his chest. He wrapped her in his strong arms as he kissed the top of her hand. "Please forgive me Rey."

Rey's lungs seemed to fill with fire as she inhaled, she had no idea where she was. It appeared to be some kind of hospital bed, and in the corner sat Finn. He was sitting in a small chair in the corner, well actually he was more laying. His legs were resting on one of the arms and his head was resting against the back of the chair. How had she gotten here?

She looked down at herself, her right arm was wrapped and, in a sling, close to her body. Rey pushed herself up and felt a sharp pain in her abdomen. She tried to catch her breathe but that was just as painful. She laid back down breathing heavily. Finn must have heard her stirring as he now jumped from his chair. He looked tired and he only wore his undershirt instead of his usual jacket, his hair was disheveled and there were bags under his eyes. "Rey, oh force your awake!"

Rey fanatically looked around the room, incredible aware of what was missing as the tears began to warm her cheeks. Her mouth was like cotton. "Where is he? Where's Ben?"

Finn looked away sheepishly and she knew the answer. He'd left her. He was gone. She was alone again. She began to sob, and the movement sent wave after wave of pain through her body. "How could not he come with me?"

"I ask myself that question every day." Leia stood in the doorway, her long gray dress falling to the ground gracefully over her petite figure. Her hair tied on the top of her head resembling the crown she should rightfully wear. "Finn, will you excuse us for a moment."

He looked a Rey, eyes full of worry, before grabbing her hand and exiting the room. Rey knew she should say something to her general who now sat on the bed next to her, but instead Rey just wept. She felt so hopeless, she was that young girl again with nothing but foolish hope to cling to. She knew she couldn't do it all over again. "How could he leave me?"

Leia looked down on Rey, her brow furrowed with worry, it was the look Rey imaged a mother may give a child after scraping a knee or running a fever. "Oh Rey, I wish I knew the answer. But I truly believe he'll find his way home. Finn toward me he was carrying you to safety when they found you two, Poe refused to let him come here with you. Finn said he just wanted you safe, Rey."

"He could have come though, if he truly wanted too. He left me here, alone. Again."

Leia's was a face of pain and of knowledge. "I believe so too but he's his father's son, stubborn. And my boy, Ben, he is afraid. Afraid to face me and you and everyone else he's hurt, but even the fact that he's afraid means he cares. We have to have hope. He will come home Rey."

Rey knew she was right, from the moment he met Kylo Ren she had felt his fear, he wasn't strong enough to face his horrible deeds. But she could have helped him shown him the way, shown him he wasn't alone, but instead he abandoned her. And she had a right to be hurt by that, after all they'd been through. Rey wanted to speak, to tell Leia of all their time together, of all they sacrificed for each other, But instead all Rey could do was sob.

"Rey, you're still very weak. Get some sleep and we will talk again soon." Leia squeezed her cold hand. "It'll be already." Rey watched as she left the room and again she found herself wishing she had the resistance pilot doll to comfort her.

"Kirren." He heard from afar as if from a dream. "Kirren!"

Ben was suddenly shaken from his thoughts remember that was his new persona. "Hey Taka."

"Hey man I got you a drink, you okay?" The Pantoran man that took the barstool next to him was the closest thing he had to a friend since getting here. His features were beyond striking, icy blue skin, a full head of little blue hair that seemed to be weaved of ice itself, his face was decorated with silver designs of triangles. As if that wasn't enough to make the man stand out, he also adorned a bionic eye whose red light seemed to contrast with the cool colors of the man's natural tone.

"Fine, thanks." He replied as he took a long gulp from the drink, the alcohol was almost as sweet as it was bitter as it snaked its way down his throat. Just the taste of it seemed to put his mind at ease. Since landing on this planet, barefoot and shirtless, booze and spice had been about all he cared about. At the time he was only working to get credits for clothes and anything to keep his mind off of her. But recently his mind was consumed with her.

Ever since last night. He always felt that little pull of her force like a child tugging on your sleeve, but last night her force seemed to ignite with in him. Suddenly she was all around him, her pain burnt him like a lightsaber. It was so extreme he fell to his knees.

He tried to shake that thought as he took another long drink from the glass in front of him. As usual he was in another scummy bar in Taris, his hood pulled tightly over the two ties he wore down the back of his head now. He knew if nothing else he had to stay hidden. Ben thought that was the reason behind Taka's presence, his striking features helped pull attention from Ben's own features. No one paid any attention to a tall man with a scar when they had a half bionic Pantoran to stare at.

That's what he told himself at least, but he knew the real reason was he couldn't stand to be alone anymore. He was just something to keep his mind off Rey. When he first got here all he could do was try to run from the memory of her, which is why the Spice became so valuable to him. It was just another distraction a way to forget the only happiness he'd felt in a long time.

He thought of her constantly, he saw her on Ilum angrily trying to follow the force of her crystal. He saw her bathing in the water of their pool or her face illuminated by their small campfire. But more than anything he saw her tortured, beaten and abused. The way she seemed so lifeless in her arms. And he remembered Finn's face telling him she's safer with them.

Ben knocked back the rest of his drink. "So, about this job?"


	27. Chapter 27

**Author's Note: Hey everyone! What a crazy few weeks its been! Sorry it's a short chapter but I just starting college classes as well as working full time I just haven't had much time to write. I'm trying to update consistently but I'm not sure when the next chapter will come out.**

 _About Three Weeks Earlier_

His heart beat loudly in his ears, and his eyes stung from all the tears he had shed earlier that day, he wanted to just curl up somewhere and sleep, but he knew that'd be certain death. So instead he sneaked his way into the under city of Taris, still only wearing a pair of torn pants. Ben hated being this exposed but on the plus side it may help him blend in with the large homeless of the urban planet.

He quickly ran down the maze of alleys aimlessly in the under city, trying not to think of the disease-ridden sludge that lined the streets. The smell from the neglected streets seemed to hit him in hot waves and the streets were lined with people, dirty and barely alive. He ran faster. All the sudden every person he passed was an enemy, every person knew his true identity.

As his anxiety raised he became acutely aware of the lightsaber hitting rocking against his hip with each bound, he turned corner and couldn't stand it anymore. The lightsaber ignited in his hands, it was less for defensive and more for comfort. The familiar glow sent a shiver of calm through his adrenaline-fueled veins. The alley was dark, and the red glow seemed splash on the walls. He closed his eyes and took a few deep holding the saber in both hands in front of his face. Even through closed eyes he could see the red glow, feel the warm of the blade, and the crackle of the torn crystal. It was surprisingly calming.

Ben opened his eyes to the sight of a boy and his sister. The boy, only about ten, had positioned himself in front the girl only about two. The recognized him. How couldn't they? He had basically told them by igniting his signature lightsaber, he stood just looking at the saber in his hands, how had he been so stupid? The boy would tell someone, sell his information for money and it was all his fault. Now they'd have to pay for his mistake, it was his only choice. As he raised the weapon up to strike, the boy bravely stepped forward and his still young eyes begging him, "Please, she's just a baby."

The girl peaked her head from behind her brother's leg, fear in her eyes. She wore only a thin dress that was at least two sizes too big and basically in rags. In the red light, they both looked soaked in blood, and the sight of it made him sick. He was frozen. He just stared at the children nauseated with himself. He quickly turned off the lightsaber in his hands as he ran as fast as he could from them. Away from their judging faces and tear-filled eyes.

How could he? Was all he could think. How could he even consider it? And yet another part of him screamed, how could he be such a coward? Leaving them alive was a huge risk, but at the same time if he would have killed them someone may have heard. Ben tried to convince himself that no one would trust the poor boy anyway. He thought of his face again, strangely calm in the harsh glow, ready to die for someone he loved.

Ben couldn't hold it back anymore, he vomited onto the dirty street heaving nothing but bread and water he had eaten while imprisoned. More sweat dripped down his forehead as he tried to take a few breathes. It was because of the smell, yeah, and the bad air, he told himself as he collected himself enough to slip into a backdoor of a large building.

It was an old run-down hangar, a beaten up VCX-320 sat in the corner, the outside scarred with charred blaster marks. A much smaller ship sat in front of the large hangar doors. Ben had no idea what he was doing until he was already sneaking behind some crates toward the VCX which was much closer. He'd have to make a run for, he looked to see if anyone was in the hangar and finally decided the coast was clear.

He abandoned his hiding spot and ran toward the ship, until a blaster bolt crashed into the wall to his left. After nearly dropping to the ground, Ben froze thinking of the lightsaber on his hip as he turned to face his newest enemy. The man's skin was as blue as water, and a shinnying red biotic eye glared back him, "Don't even think about grabbing that weapon, kid." The clearly younger man said.

The man looked him up and down fixating on the lightsaber he was wearing. He raised a telling eyebrow over his biotic implant. He smiled. "I'm Taka. And who are you?"

Ben's mind raced as Taka lowered his blaster. Maybe he should take out his lightsaber, kill the man and steal his ship. But he was weak, and the image of those kids were still burnt in his mind. With so little sleep and food the last few weeks he felt like he could barely stand. "Kirren." It was all he could choke out.

"Of course, it is." Taka spoke sarcastically a knowing smile on his face. "Well Kirren, it looks your in the need of some money. How would you like a job?"


	28. Chapter 28

**Author's Note: Hey everyone! Thanks again for still reading and inspiring me every day. Please let me know what you think I have big plans for the future of the story. - Cork**

Rey listened to the quiet breathing that filled the night air of the rebel's sleeping quarters in the small military barracks on Cloud City. She hadn't slept much in weeks, instead she just laid in her bed and waited until everyone was asleep. She hadn't done much of anything since… well since… she'd left the hospital she guessed. General Organa had tried to keep her involved, she'd had her tutored in history and politics. Had her sit in on war strategy, but all Rey wanted was to hide in the Falcon.

She sat on her bed and waited to see if anyone stirred. The large room was still as she stood and quietly made her way out the room. She tried to keep her mind off the first time she snuck off, the time she went to meet… no she just had to get to the Falcon. Everything always made more sense there, she found herself practically running down the twisting corridors until she finally ran out of building, the moonlit of Bespin seemed to shine a spotlight on the Millennium Falcon.

Rey climbed up the ramp of the Falcon and reached the compartments she stashed all her belongs, she looked at the sacred texts, the clothes she'd left Jakku in. But she pushed them aside for what she truly came for, she pulled out the torn white shirt she'd carefully hid with her prized possessions.

She quietly stripped off the uniform sleep clothes she had been given upon arrival and slipped on the shirt. Rey let out a relieved sigh. She could still smell him, and even better she could feel his force surrounding her. It reminded Rey of the times they had slept in each other's arms, the kiss they'd spent on Rishi. She curled up in one of the bunks and let herself just get lost in her memories.

Once again, she tried to reach out to him, to pull on the small thread that always connected them, but it was as if the thread just slipped through her fingers. Rey hadn't seen or heard from him since he helped her escape. She honestly just wished she could see him, she wished everything hadn't gotten all screwed up. But most of all she wished Ben had had the courage to follow her. Rey barely remembered any of the day, just bits and pieces had come back to her, Ben trying to help her stand, Finn's voice, the bed on the Falcon.

"Rey? Are you okay?" a soft voice spoke from the door way. It was Rose, her dark hair fell down over her face barely reaching her shoulders, her brow furrowed with worry. She always looked much softer, younger even, out of her yellowish jumpsuit she wore during the day.

Rey wiped her hands through her hair, embarrassed. "Yeah… just couldn't sleep."

"Ah." Rose spoke as she sat at the end of the bunk. "You know I'm not like Poe. Or even Finn," she leaned in. "I can keep a secret."

Rey just stared at the woman. They had never been especially close, to be honest she'd actually made her uncomfortable on more than a few occasions, but she'd always been nice to Rey. However, she still didn't trust her with the whole story, kriff, she hadn't even told Finn the whole story.

"It's okay if you don't want to talk about it. I know were not very close but… uh but I know how it is to lose someone." She instinctually grabbed the pendant hanging from her neck. "I guess I just mean I won't judge."

The two women sat in a silence that felt as if it was a solid mass. Finally, Rey let out a long sigh. "I just don't understand why he couldn't come with me."

Rose looked her in the eye with genuine compassion. "Some people are just… scared." Even she seemed surprised by the word.

"He's not who people think he is." Rey said with an urgency. "He's… he's…" She trailed off. Rey could feel the tears coming as the thick cloud of silence fell over them once again. How could she ever convince them he wasn't just Kylo Ren? How could she show them he was hurting? Rey had seen it the first time she met him in that dark interrogation room. He's afraid. But they'd never understand, even now they look at her as if she was crazy when just weeks before they stared in awe as if she was their savior. They'd never understand. She tried to breathe as she felt her tears burn down her face.

"Finn told me about that day." Rose said as Rey looked up at her still teary eyed. "Finn told me how he saved his life and yours and how he made Finn promise to take care of you. How he cried for you." Rey was listening intently. "Finn even said he showed him a memory."

It felt as if Rey couldn't pull the air into her lungs. "A memory of what?" She eventually choked out.

Rose looked away, unsure if she should share that information. "Um… uh Finn said he showed him when he had first seen Finn. That night on the battlefield on Jakku, Finn said he could feel inside of him. That Kylo Ren had known he refused to fire on the villagers but decided not to report it. Finn said he'd even felt bad for him."

"Of course."

"I know it's been hard for you since you got back, but people can change and if you believe he can… well then I believe it too. Even Finn was our enemy at one point. I know others aren't as forgiving but I think anyone can make the right decision."

Rey grabbed Rose's hand, tears still in her eyes. "Thank you."

Rose smiled widely as she stood from the bunk. "Hey that's what I'm here for. And don't worry I won't tell anyone you've been sneaking off." She paused in the doorway and turned back to her. "No one's ever gone, we just need to have hope."


End file.
